This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you. I don’t believe that you get too many of those from your baby momma(s). I think you are more used to hearing about all that you aren’t, all that you don’t do, or just plain negative words steaming from a broken heart. I don’t want to add to all the negativity that has beaten you down in years past and kept you out of your child’s life. I mean really, who wants to come around and put themselves in a situation that is full of hostility and uncomfortable for all. I mean if we really get down to the nitty gritty of it all, I made the choice to sleep with you and conceived a child with you so I’m just as much to blame for the current situation as you. So let me tell you what I am thankful for.
I want to say thank you for your lack of participation and not having an active role in our child (ren)’s life. You feel it is ok to come and go as you please, to call when you feel like it, and spend time when it’s convenient for you – if you show up at all. You don’t seem to understand that a child needs consistency in their life. They need to know they can count on their parents, both mom and DAD, to be there at all times and on a consistent basis. Therefore, because of your lack of commitment it has challenged me to be a better mother. I thank you for making me stretch and make sacrifices to spend even more time with our child because they will know that momma is always there. Momma was there to help them tie their shoes, teach them to read, lay in bed with them when they were scared, held their hand when we walked down the street, hugged and kissed them every night and every morning, took them to church and prayed with them every night. Thank you for making me change my priorities to keep our child first before any of my own needs. I understand that children need nurturing and care all the time. Our child can’t wait for me to get to a certain level in my career or accumulate a certain amount of money before I start giving them the attention they need. Even though I have to be the bad guy and good guy all rolled up in one all the time, when it’s all said and done I know I’ll have done a great job. So again thank you for forcing me to develop the skill set to multi task my job, education, and family life.
Let me further thank you for your deficiency in financial obligations. You give money when you feel like it – if at all. I don’t feel that I have to hound a grown man to take care of his responsibilities. It doesn’t make sense for me to have to call you every week asking and damn near begging for money. Even if you can’t give me hundreds of dollars, sometimes $20 will hold us over to get some milk, bread, and eggs in the house until you are able to do more. I guess when you sit down to eat you don’t wonder if your child has food on the table to eat or when you go to the store and pick up those fresh new gators you never wonder if your child has clothes on their back. When you do make a contribution or buy something you want to get all the praise, show off and have the spotlight shine on you for your small gesture. “Look at what a good Daddy I am. I bought a pair of shoes.” If that makes you sleep a little easier at night, then take that and hold it close because there isn’t much else coming your way. Thank you for making me a little wiser with my money and making sure all needs are met to sustain a household. Because of you I now know how to do my hair at home and don’t have to go the beauty shop every two weeks. I can do my own manicures and pedicures too. I can make $30 stretch 2 weeks and not miss a beat because I’ve learned how to be a little more creative in my spending and getting what I need to get for us. Although I can’t shop and save like I would like to right now, I am learning how to put money to the side for the emergencies when you don’t come through in a pinch. I don’t’ have the luxury of giving or spending money when and how I feel like it. When rent is due or groceries need to be bought I have to make it happen, no exceptions, but you don’t feel that same urgency to help us. So, yet again I thank you for putting me in a spot where I think twice before I spend and really understand the value of a dollar.
Lastly let me thank you for leaving my life. We will always have a connection through our child, but our relationship has dissolved to cordial hellos and good-byes. When you left, you took all the hurt, loneliness, cheating, and pain with you. Although times are rough and there is a lot of pressure, it has only strengthened me as a woman and brought me closer to God. I now realize that my faith should not be in man, but in God and God alone. I don’t need you to supply my needs or give me money because God will take care of all my needs. There is no more crying myself to sleep at night or worrying about paying bills. Thank you for leaving because my arms are now open to receive the gifts God has in store for me, the man God has prepared for me and the peace that God has waiting for me. I send thanks that I can sleep on both sides of the bed, get in the shower when I feel like it, know there is juice left in the refrigerator, and there are no underwear left in the middle of the floor. There is no holiday to celebrate the absentee father and Hallmark doesn’t make a card so accept this letter of thanks as recognition of your lack of participation and presence.
All baby mommas of the world who struggle with inconsistent or nonparticipant baby daddies