“I don't think I said or did anything wrong but I am curious to know why I feel like I am being ignored. How do I ask without sounding like a total idiot? One second everything is way cool, and now emails/text go unanswered….”
Sound familiar? This was the lament I heard from one of my friends recently, having been confused yet again by the gender that claims to be so simple, yet are, in actuality, highly perplexing. And it was a common lament I felt in my dating life before I was happily coupled with Mr. W (my boyfriend of 3 years). It is also a time that I swear I will never go through again. If (God forbid, and yes, we are doing just fine) something happens to my relationship with Mr. W, I am swearing off relationships altogether, getting myself a couple cats, wearing muumuus, and throwing out my razors.
I am through with the actual act of dating.
The biggest reason dating sucked were the games. Things would be awesome in the beginning. We’d be spending time together, getting to know each other through dates, phone calls, emails, and the like. In the beginning I was inundated with their contact. But I didn’t mind. After all, I dug him. And all this newness was incredibly exciting. In those first few weeks, we both were totally revolving our worlds around each other as we figured out if we just liked each other, like-liked each other, or if there was a possibility for love to eventually enter the picture.
And then, all of a sudden, communication stops.
There is nothing out there that will entice a little dating mental illness more than a mutually smitten relationship suddenly becoming very one sided. He stops calling. I text to see what’s up. No answer. I keep phone near me at all times in case he does text. Still nothing. Next day I send a lighthearted, witty remark like “What, you got run over by a car? Call me, goof!”. Nothing. I worry that he may actually have gotten run over by a car. I check the police report. Phew, no car accidents anywhere close to where he might be driving. Put the phone down and go do something to keep my mind off the lack of conversation. Rush to it two hours later to see if there are any missed calls. Only one, but not him. I mentally promise to call that person later. Check the computer to see if he’s signed on to Facebook. Nothing. Oh wait, something! He’s alive! That jackass, he’s alive and not calling me! What gives? Put a witty little comment on his Facebook page, just to say hi. In fact, that’s what I write. “Hey there, just saying hi!” Hope it doesn’t sound too desperate. Does it? Oh jeez, I have texted him twice and then left him a Facebook message in 48 hours time. He’s going to think I’m a stalker. Erase message. Continue to go back and forth over it. Realize that we used to text each other 20 or more times a day, and leave multiple comments on each other Facebook pages. One little FB message isn’t too much. Put the comment back on his page. Realize that he just got emailed twice with the same message from his FB profile, making it painfully obvious that I just second-guessed myself on his FB page. Call up a friend and make them drop everything they are doing to look at his page and reassure me that I’m not a stalker. Am told by friend I’m not a stalker. Ask friend to now drive by his house and check to see if he’s there, or at least call him to see if he’ll answer but hang up as soon as he picks up the phone. Phone conversation is suddenly interrupted by dial tone…
BTW, if you're reading this Mr. W, I have no idea who this neurotic "I" person is.
Truth is, if it doesn't feel wonderful, it's not meant to be. If a guy, who once took the time out of his day to touch bases with you in some way or another, is suddenly too busy to contact you, he’s not interested. If he doesn’t answer your texts, he’s not interested. If he’s not jumping at the chance for a commitment with you, HE’S NOT INTERESTED. But instead of just telling you this so you no longer waste your time on him, he instead says NOTHING, hoping that you’ll just go away so he won’t have to hurt your feelings. And as a result, your feelings are hurt even more as you wonder what’s wrong with him, what’s wrong with you, and feeling a little out of control while you try to sort out what just happened in this whirlwind of a dating tempest.
How to deal when the guy you like suddenly disappears from the face of the planet? Stop calling him. Stop texting him. Stop checking his Facebook or doing anything that is centered around him, and busy yourself with other interests to keep yourself from getting lonely....and feeling neurotic. Just stop all communication with him until he contacts you. If he doesn't, he isn't interested. I know....you don't want to hear that, but it's something I wish I had paid attention to more when I was dating. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and embarassment.
Anyone else hate dating? Or do you have positive dating stories to share?
(This blog also published at http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/12881/dating-sucks/)
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