Dating After Divorce Update

2 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

It’s been a while since I talked about dating after divorce so I think it’s time to check back in on the subject.

While I have written about this topic before, it’s interesting even to me to see how my feelings and viewpoints can change as my son gets older and my experiences pile up.

Dating After Divorce

I went into dating after my divorce (over 6 years ago), looking for my next husband. Of course I wanted to be remarried and moving on with my life!

However, over the years which have seen a few serious relationships combined with lots of dating (so many funny stories here!), my son and I have become our own family unit.

While I have always been independent, I got married young and assumed that getting remarried as fast as possible was the way to go BUT I have to come realize that I truly love our little family dynamic.

I have started to really question if a serious relationship leading to marriage is something I want right now or if it’s something to think about later on, when my son is more grown up, in college and not needing me as much as he does now.

While my son’s social life is very active and his schedule is packed with plans and Bar Mitzvah parties every single weekend, I feel like he needs me in some ways more than he did as a toddler.

Being in middle school and on the brink of teenage years, especially in today’s world, is a really challenging time. He may not know it but I know it which means I am super focused on his whereabouts, what he is thinking and feeling while still trying to be a cool parent and respect his privacy.

Gone are the days where I rotated weekends with my ex-husband like clockwork. It’s nearly impossible to stick to a strict schedule anymore. When the kids are little, it’s easy to shuffle them back and forth according to a divorce agreement schedule but as they get older, their lives are not so portable. My son has his own agenda now with plans, parties and commitments which change by the week.

When my son was younger, I could schedule my adult time out based upon his time with his dad. I even had a weeknight or two free as well and while sure, I still get out for dinner with the girls or whoever, those nights are now fewer and further between.

Saying that my life as a mom is all-consuming and the toughest job in the world is totally valid and true, yet it’s also an excuse.

I know very well that when the right person comes into my life, I will make the time and room for the relationship around all of this parenting stuff (and even around my running stuff) because I will want to make it work.

But I really haven’t found that person yet and I really don’t know that I am even looking at the moment.

I know I told you about someone I was dating pretty seriously but slowly I started to realize deep down, like in those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night and need to be honest with yourself, that it just wasn’t it.

Details and reasons why are not important, not because I don’t want to share them but because, even to me, as I started thinking about my reasons, I realized that the thought process itself really wasn’t important.

What was important was how I felt, what my inner voice was telling me.

When that feeling inside arrives when you just know that the person you are dating isn’t the right fit for you, why waste your time or the time of the other person? You must trust your gut intuition rather than deny your feelings…and let the relationship go.

Look at me with the balanced dating attitude. I sound like a guy!

But it’s true. If you have that feeling that says, hmm, I don’t think this is IT, then most likely, it isn’t! Listen to yourself the first time you have this revelation, even if you never expected to feel this way.

Even if you aren’t divorced, even if you are looking for a serious life long relationship, don’t settle. Don’t ignore your intuition and don’t stick around because you don’t want to be alone. I don’t know everything but I do know that staying with someone who isn’t it (even if you want them to be it) will make you feel more alone than actually being single.

The sooner you realize how to go after what you do want and walk away from what doesn’t work for you, the sooner everything will fall into place

 

Meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles

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