Why Are We Afraid To Talk Before Sex?

5 years ago

Editor's Note: I cannot overstate the importance of having candid conversations about sexual health prior to having sex with a new partner. Even if you've been with someone before, you ought to periodically ask relevant questions to keep abreast of any risks to your own health. It's YOUR body and YOUR responsibility. Stay safe, stay healthy, and have fun!! - Feminista Jones

The LOGO channel has broadcast a series of PSAs dealing with modifying homosexual behavior in view of the HIV/AIDS epidemic.  The advertisements feature the puppet characters from the successful Avenue Q Broadway shows engaged in commonplace exchanges such as the invite upstairs or having the status conversation. One of the things that is quite striking and which is featured obliquely in the ads is the fact that even though two consenting adults have decided to have sex...they seem almost petrified of the fact that, in this day and age, even casual encounters need to involve some conversation.

Image: Hey Paul Studios via Flickr

Of course, there are the fool-hardy, oblivious, willfully obstinate and just plain uncaring among us who have sex on a moment's notice without protection and without vetting their partner(s). For those who embark on those dangerous seas, good luck and God bless. What about the rest of us? Why do so many find the prospect of having an honest, quick, heart-to-heart before (protected!) sex such a daunting task?

Let's get real. As much time as is put into the pre-dating grooming ought to go into perfecting the now-that-we-are-done-with-the-date-let's-get-it-on dialogue. Look at it as an elevator pitch but for your life, your health, your sexual happiness.  Condense what you need to say in 3 minutes or less. Be direct. Be honest. Be light. Get answers, make your decision as to whether to go the distance, and be sure to have at least twenty condoms with you, on your person. Also a tube of lube.

Suggested format: name-occupation-location-future goals-dreams-various chit-chat-HIV/AIDS status(yes/no)-your place/mine/hotel-I-have-the-condoms-and-they're-not-optional-let's get out of here. Insert sexy look here and voila, the opportunities are open and safe possibilities endless.

Practice in the mirror. Commit your pitch to memory. Load up on condoms. Groom thoroughly. Get out there and embrace your sexuality and sexual health with vigor and positivity. The only thing you have to lose is your life.

In games of love and sex, ladies and gentlemen, don't leave anything to chance.



Mistress Raeven, a professional dominatrix, offers sessions for those that need a dose of order and discipline in their lives.




Mistress Raeven

professional dominatrix.

sex educator.writer of erotica.fashion stylist

London's Dark Secret.

HBIC: Raevensclaw Arts UK

London*Paris*San Francisco*New York City

classes.workshops.events. fashion

The Black Rose of England

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

More from love

by Ashley Papa | 6 days ago
by Catherine Donaldson-Evans | 11 days ago
by Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW | 21 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | a month ago
by Ashley Papa | a month ago
by Julie Sprankles | a month ago
by HelloFlo | 2 months ago