Cracking The Girl Code: Dating Your Friends Ex's

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I believe in the girl code to an extent.

I agree that it isn't right to flirt with the guy/girl your friend is interested in or meddle with a relationship. However I am completely against the "You can not date your friends ex's" rule.

It's a crock of poo soup. 

When you break up with someone, you are realeasing them from the grasp of your greedy controling hands. They are from there on out, not your property, not that you should see them as such in the first place. If you fail to do this, it is not the fault of your friend, but yours for not resolving these feelings and getting the proper closure from the relationship.

I understand that if the guy treated you poorly while you were together, then naturally you would be offended if your friend pursued him. However, if they are to make that mistake, as their friend you are allowed your two cents, but you should sit back and let her "learn her lesson".  Although, there isn't a rule book saying that if he is a bad person to you, it automatically means that he will be a bad boyfriend to someone else.

When you break up with someone you need to resolve it to the point where you I don't know...Don't hate the person's exsistence? It's unhealthy to hold grudges. If you don't then again, it's your problem. If you're giving your friend a hard time about it, making them out to be the bad guy, you should really think about what kind of friend that makes you...not the other way around.

Ladies, there are so many men out there. Do not focus on "the one that got away",  because it will make you miserable.  

As for your friend who is interested in your ex, who is to say that they won't have a beautiful relationship? One that is better than yours?

I think that's ultimately what you're afraid of, that your friend will bring out a side of him that you couldn't. That your friend will make him happier than you did.

That doesn't mean anything

Different people affect others in different ways. 

Do not feel inferior by this, because it is a wonderful thing. Human connection is a wonderful thing. 

If I had not broken this "Girl Code" I wouldn't be with my fiance today. Yes, I lost a friend, but she wasn't the type of friend I wanted or needed in my life. She didn't understand where I was coming from, all she saw was herself and her pain, and none of that was my fault.

It's a shame it took me as long as it did to not feel guilty. We should never have to feel sorry for the way we feel! It doesn't make sense. 

Be aware of others hearts & you will learn a lot about your own.



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