Confessions of a Sex & Relationships Blogger

7 years ago

I've been blogging about sex & relationships for as long as I've been blogging, since 2005. Of all the things I'm passionate about, it's my passion for love and my fascination with human relationships that most drives everything I do. In my sex & relationships blogging, I am inspired most by my belief that we benefit in an amazing way from sharing our experiences and thoughts as everyday people - outside of psychologists, and self-help books, and the latest trend article. Certainly, there's a place for those things in the world, and sometimes they are great jumping-off points, but what's going on with me and you, and what do we think about it? That's what speaks most to me. That's where the power of blogging lies.

When one blogs about sex & relationships, even when you are as particularly careful about it as I am, it becomes intertwined with your life. I've had boyfriends who got off on it, and boyfriends who ignored it. One who hated when I wrote anything remotely negative - AND when I wrote anything positive, too. I thought of him during the scene in "Julie & Julia" when Eric demands that Julie stop calling him a prince because it makes him feel like an ass. I don't get it, but there it is.

Sometimes what happens is that someone I'm dating reads my blogging at first, and then stops.

And, it bothers me when I'm dating someone and they aren't reading my blog. I've actually never dated anyone who had a blog, but it seems unfathomable to me that you wouldn't read what your partner is writing out there in the world. It seems so rude and really quite strange, although I've tended to chalk it up to different strokes for different folks and let it go.

I never blog about what I most desire in a guy because I'm seriously worried that someone might lie to me on first dates and pass themselves off as someone who's perfect for me when they're not. I think that sounds really paranoid and maybe egotistical, except I had a guy lie to me about liking Madonna, and another who didn't tell me that he didn't like going to something I love. I've never understood why anyone would do that sort of thing at all, so then my worries don't seem so far fetched.

In the past I've had concerns that my blogging has a negative effect on my relationships, but I don't anymore. I think the right guy for me can handle it, hopefully enjoy it, give me feedback, and communicate with me about his desired level of confidentiality. I've always made it clear I can write absolutely nothing about my current relationship if that's necessary. If someone can't communicate their needs in that regard, well, what're you going to do?

I'm sharing these things with you now, because I'm about to make a change. A big change. This is my last post on BlogHer as a Sex & Relationships Contributing Editor. When I made that decision, I wondered if I would stop blogging about sex & relationships all together. But I don't think that's the case.

What I do want, and a large reason I made this decision, is to go back to letting the brain gerbils run at their own pace, and letting my fingers fly when I want, about what I want in that exact moment, and in the way I want. It's really, really challenging to blog about sex & relationships every week, on a deadline. I have gained incredible respect for newspaper columnists. For a while there, I was doing it twice a week, and I can hardly fathom how.

Sometimes, things are going on and you can't blog about them, leaving you nothing to write. Sometimes I would write about things earlier than might have been ideal. I didn't have the option to not blog *something*, and sometimes it's been really, really difficult to manage that and find my way. Lately, it seems excruciating to have to sit down and deliver. After I'm done, it always feels like it was easy. But it wasn't. It has always, however, been cathartic and rewarding and I have no regrets. I have only gained, personally and professionally, from my work here.

But right now, what's most important, is that I need time. It's one night a week I've been giving, on top of my full-time day job, and I want to spend that time dreaming, and relaxing, and writing, and watching films and television, and hopefully focusing more on my life goal of becoming a working director. I have to work full-time, as always, as most of us, and I find now that I want to give as many of my other moments as possible only to things that seem most related to directing. To getting where I most want to be.

I have no idea how anything's going to go right now. And that's kinda cool in its own way. Certainly, I've been making hard choices and shaking things up.

But I promise to miss you. Because I am certain that I really, really will.

Thanks so much for reading me here, and sharing with me, all these years.


Linky Goodness:

Being Promiscuous Doesn’t Necessarily Mean I Will Fuck You from Dairy of Kinky Librarian.

Guest Post: Why Every Blogger Should Have A Non-Blogger Spouse - from Matt Chevy on Brazen Careerist.

Relationships - from Anandi on The Thinker's Space.


Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

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