Clarity

3 years ago

I’ve been quiet lately, on my blog.  I couldn’t write what I REALLY want to write.  It might just cause spontaneous combustion of people’s eyes.  :)

My “Lifetime Movie” life.

But then…there was a moment.  Monday of this week.

A solidary, single moment.  A second, really.

Of clarity.

It all melted away.  The angst.  The worry.  The anger.  The anything.

I got it.

I GET it.

I hear it’s part of this crazy process.  The moment of accepting and seeing and reviewing and?

Saying eff it.

EFF.  IT.

Drop it.
Throw it out.
Face it.
Realize it.
Chew on it.
Walk away.

I thought I HAD walked away — nope, I hadn’t.  I didn’t have “it’.  That moment.  That complete silence and?  Clarity.  It was all so clear.  It doesn’t matter who/what/where/when/how.

Why?

Because it already happened.  It’s already done.  And?  It’s not going to stop.  Ever.  And?  My life still chugs along.  It can’t be dictated by the actions or ideas of others.  It can’t be contingent on the lives of others.  It can’t depend on the hurt of others.  The disregard of others.

Why?

Because it’s finally MY life.  MY journey.  The one I deserve.  The one I’m meant to have.  To lead.  That doesn’t have one damn thing to do with the Lifetime Movie.

Nope…not a drop.

It has to do with my boys, my family, my friends, my job, my laughs, my fun, my tears.

MINE.

Clarity — not sure why it took 6 months to be able to see in the fog.  The fog was just fake too.  Fake, pathetic, ridiculous.

My life is vibrant.  Loud.  Crazy.  Happy.  A struggle.  A victory.

My life isn’t a farce.  It’s real.

That’s all.  Clarity.  To see that is real in those dark corners.  Not so scary — actually?  Exciting.  New beginnings without being brought down.

Clarity…..I hope you some clarity if you are struggling.  Clarity is hard — in the moment it happens.  Sort of knocks the wind out of you.  That moment…..

But?

Then?

You work it out.  Because you have to….life depends on it.  And the fog?  Really just someone else’s life that is blowing up.  You just have to turn around and go inside and stay away from the flames.  Walk AWAY from them…not TOWARDS them.

Cuts down on the burn.

Clarity……a lifesaver.

Love,
Hatefully Happy about Divorce Coming

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