Can't Believe I'm Blogging

9 years ago

I've read other people's blogs before and I've always found it kind of strange. Why would people want to divulge all that personal info to complete strangers??! They share personal emotions, embarrassing flaws, wild sexual escapades and even every morsel of food they happen to ingest during a 24 hour period. "Who cares?!" I always thought. 

But then I started thinking about my own unique life experiences. I've always wanted to start a journal but just never have.  I do have a lazy side and, hell, some things I'd just rather forget.  And what if I tragically were to die (I live alone - trust loners think about these things)? Do I really want my family getting a hold of all these personal things I've been journaling about? But maybe these not-so-deep thoughts are what have led me to make the decision to start blogging. I actually don't mind if complete strangers read my blog....better them than my parents or big brothers!

So what I think I'll do is start with the present and gradually incorporate past experiences into my blogs. I recently turned 29 and it's been freaking the hell out of me. Why wait until 30 to start panicking about all the things you've yet to accomplish when you can start at 29?! Actually, I'm not really that upset about being 29.  I don't LOOK 29, I don't ACT 29 and I certainly don't FEEL 29! Alright so maybe I have very early stage crows feet when I smile too big and I've been out of commission half the summer with a strained leg muscle/ abductor....BUT I love where I am in life and I'm not going to let a number make me feel bad about it.  I have a good job, a beautiful house, devoted friends and, except for a continuing struggle to lose 5 stubborn pounds, I think I look pretty darn good too!

Of course, there's another major flaw to my 29 year-oldness that I've left out..something that is just so tragic and humiliating that I can hardly bring myself to mention it (sarcasm btw)...I'm SINGLE.  Except for a few serious boyfriends here and there, I've been single for 29 years and I like to think that I'm pretty good at it. (I pay a mortgage and keep up a house, I cook, I garden, I can fix things.) BUT I know that the people around me are always dying to know why!! The neighbors back home are constantly nagging my poor mom...."so is K seeing anyone special these days?" Guys I meet out at bars..."So why are you still single?" Wedding attendees when I'm playing the role of bridesmaid yet again... "Maybe you'll hit it off with one of the groomsman. wink wink" Even my own students that I teach..."Miss F? Why aren't you Mrs.? Why aren't you married?" I've gotten very good at answering these questions. I take it all in stride but deep down one must I a little bitter about this?

YES! I admit it! I do have a touch of bitterness in me and, trust me, this is not an attractive or easy thing to admit.  Nothing scares people off more than bitter single people. Bitter Single = cynic, scorned, untrusting, emotionally damaged and full of anger.  Destined to be an old maid!  However I still have intact the one quality that steers me clear of all that negativity...HOPE.  I am still hopeful that, although that pesky clock is ticking, my special someone is still out there.  Maybe it's a complete stranger or maybe it's someone I already know.  What I cherish right now is the thrill of not knowing what might be right around the corner.

I'll keep you posted on those things around the corner in my future blogs along with those past escapades that I promised earlier...the things that have shaped me into the sassy, stubborn little single girl that I am.   

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