And heal a broken heart?...
Have you ever had a moment in your life that you play over and over in your mind?
You know you can't go back and change the outcome, but you also know what you would do if time travel were possible.
There are a few of those moments in my life, but one of the most recent happened last September.
I had a chance to spend the day with someone I love and I can remember exactly what was on my mind before they left: Something is wrong.
If I had known it would be the last time I would have seen this person, I can tell you exactly what I would have said:
Instead, I made a decision to be resolved about my feelings, which were based on just that: Things I felt.
But if I could spin backwards almost a year, would I be in the position I am now? Perhaps. It is possible that nothing would be different.
Would I still have taken a trip the following month that led to lasting changes about how I feel towards some people? Would I still have gone to Paris? London? Vegas?
Would my Chicago trip in February have been any different?
You see, no matter what I write or say, I know that my heart has a piece of it that will forever be settled in Chicago.
And that is why I wonder if traveling back in time would be wise.
Sometimes, we have to recognize that life is exactly what we see because it gives us exactly what we put into it.
Luck. Destiny. Kismet. We use words like these to explain away our own responsibilities sometimes.
Am I unlucky in love? No. In fact, if I said I wasn't blessed with an abundance of love, I would be a liar and ungrateful.
Instead, I recognize two things: The great loves in my life may not be with me now in terms of space, but they are with me in terms of spirit. Maybe that's enough?
I'm not really sure.
If I could travel back in time, I am sure it wouldn't be to last September, it would be to a beautiful day spent with the love of my life in Philadelphia. We saw so many things during that trip, but the best part was sitting on a park bench in the middle of nowhere. We were huddled close to each other because we were bracing ourselves against the wind that day.
It feels like a metaphor for our relationship sometimes: Two people, in love, holding on to each other to offer sustenance against what the universe would ultimately give us.