building the perfect man

So as I'm thinking about all that I have come up with, I realized that I have been dating my dad to heal the relationship with him. All the men that I have brought in have had different aspects of him, ie Ken doll, so now I am more afraid to date than ever.  Am I going to continue this pattern?  I have to figure out how to turn this around.  Wait, there are so many things about my dad I really love, respect and admire.

It's like looking for a new apartment lets say.  The first time you move out on your own, what you want is simple: you want something you can afford in a safe area.  Small list, you live there for a while and decide that you would really like air conditioning and off street parking.  So in searching for your next place you add those to your list.  Now you have your new perfect place but decide you really want a dishwasher too and something a little more quiet.  You see where I am going with this.  You can’t really know what you do want until you know what you don't want, and there is nothing wrong with that.

So, back to the man.  I decided I was going  to make a list from the beginning of all the important relationships that have made an impact on my life. But I was only going to focus on what I loved about them, what I didn't want to throw away.  I have loved a lot and I have had many amazing men who have loved me too.  What's scary about that, right?  Oh, this is feeling better.  I will give you an example of what I have come up with so far and just to make it easier for me, all the names are fake.

I decided I was in a way building the perfect man.  I realized I have experienced being with the perfect man for me it just hasn't been at the same time with the same guy.  It's like revisiting the best parts of your past love affairs without all the bad stuff.  So lets go, and this is in no order, guess it doesn't matter since the names are fake, right?  I really loved the way Bob cooked and danced around in his underwear, he had such a free spirit and I always felt so beautiful and adored. We'll keep that, and leave out that he lived 5,000 miles away.  I loved the way that Michael was like my best friend, he was so funny and always in a good mood.  And Max, he was so creative, and had an amazing house, loved to shop and was so generous, and such a great lover.  I loved how I felt when I met Scott, I just looked in his eyes and felt like I had known him my whole life.

So I could go on and on, what a fun exercise.  I am still working on it, it really is amazing how many wonderful men I have had in my life, and okay, I haven't found the "One" that is going to be the "One" for the long haul but I have had a lot of great "Ones" for the moment.  Okay, now I’m not feeling so scared anymore.  Try it out for yourself and let me know how it goes.  xo-k

My two cents:  Have fun with the process.


Yeah, this isn't like a weird Frankenstein thing. It's more like a Mr. Potato Head thing where you create one groovy guy from miscellaneous parts.

Remember how we were talking about how easy it is to get stuck in the icky stuff? You can always find someone to sympathize, to get into a rousing bitchfest with you about how all men/women/aliens are rotten, all men/women/aliens cheat, all men/women/aliens fill-in-the-blank. The truth is, whatever you believe, you manifest. You only make it so, by believing it.  Just like the song from Counting Crows says, "What you fear in the night in the day comes to call anyway-ay." So if this is true (and it is) doesn't it make sense to focus on the great stuff?

One of my bad boyfriends was worried about money. He was self-employed, and was worried the contracts would dry up. So I told him, "if you're going to worry about money, why not worry about having so much you have to hire someone to help you manage it?" Well, he did just that, and the phone started ringing off the hook! Soon, he had so many contracts, he was booked out months in advance. I'd like to think this is because I give such great advice. But the truth is, he was just a great manifester. We all are. We just spend far too much time getting what we don't want, because that's what we focus on.

Back to bad boyfriend. He gets to be part of my perfect man. He gets to be the part that makes my knees turn to jelly just looking at him. The part about ditching a gal on the side of the road in Maui on the way to the airport? Not so much. Haven't we all dated a bad boyfriend? (Please God, don't let me be the only one!) Of course, there were good boyfriends, too. Well, good before the heat went lukewarm then stone-cold, but good nonetheless. Generous. Smart. Wicked funny. Rich. Kind. World class kisser.

Here's a chance to relive all the highlights of the Loves of Christmas Past. Get yourself a journal. Something pretty, that makes you want to write in it. Make a page for every one of the loves that shared even a brief time on the stage of your life. On each page, write down the good qualities of each person. No cheating! Nothing negative!  We're focusing on the positive qualities, because that's what we want the great, cosmic genie to deliver. Make a list of all those lovable parts that made you feel so good, so cherished, so beloved.

Look at that list.  Feels yummy, right?  Enjoy that feeling -- because there's more of where that came from. Oh yes, my darling, lots more. Let us know how it goes!  Love, C

My two cents: The Beatles were genius! Amp up your love mojo by listening to some of their love songs!


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