“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver
When hearts are broken, it hurts. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve lost friendships. I’ve lost my footing, but nothing kicked me in the stomach and opened me up the way a broken heart did.
I know what it’s like to get your heart broken.
I know what it’s like to not quite know where your broken heart ends and your own brokenness begins.
I know what it feels like to want an unworkable relationship to work.
But, I know some other things too.
I know what it’s like to find the courage to learn the lessons and do the transformational work needed to heal a heart.
I know what it’s like to come out the other end of a breakup not just surviving, but thriving.
And I know what it’s like to find love again.
Breakups give us that opportunity to go inside, to flex that muscle of forgiveness and find a different kind of freedom.
If we can find the courage to tell the truth about this relationship (at least to ourselves), we get a peek into our own soul. And what we find there are all the opportunities to love ourselves a bit more, break down the walls we’ve put up to protect ourselves and practice radical self-care by treating our heart as the precious gift that it is.
First, forgive yourself, because we always play a role. Then, forgive the one that broke your heart. Lastly, forgive everybody else. We’re all just doing the best we can with where we’re at on our respective journeys. And sometimes, we let each other down.
Freedom is when we can love ourselves at the same level, regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not.
Freedom is acknowledging the good and the bad, the strong parts and the weak parts of ourselves without pretense or apology, basking in the light of our perfectly imperfect selves.
Freedom is trusting. Freedom is trusting that every person is a teacher for us (and us for them); Freedom is trusting that there is a bigger plan for us. It’s trusting that we’re always supported and our experiences are all, ultimately, to be used for our good.
We’re not broken just because a relationship broke. We’re not broken just because something we loved failed. We had the courage to try and now we have the strength to use it as a stepping stone in our lives.
For more insights, get my free eBook, Relationships Break: That Doesn’t Make You Broken. A Woman’s Guide to Going from Surviving to Thriving after a Breakup.
More from love