Blurred Lines

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

This is a repost from Blurred Lines on my other blog, Celibacy Diaries. 


I thought of this topic a few days and no, I was not thinking about Robin Thicke (don't know the words to the song)

An ex told me, a long time ago, he slept with a cousin. Not a biological cousin, but a cousin on his step-fathers side. He did not see the weirdness of it all.

When I was in high school, my oldest uncle was dating a nice lady, with 3 boys. They was together a long time, until she died during my junior or senior year. He continued to help raise the boys, even until today. One of their cousins tried to get some booty from me, but I said no. I was a virgin at the time. and I am not about to sleep with a cousin, no matter if biological or not.

I was watching some day-time television the other day on Trisha. One of those baby-daddy shows. The show was complicated. The man wanted to know if his woman was sleeping around (which was true) and if the baby was his (was not his). The woman had 3 or more possible fathers to the baby. The man was also sleeping with the woman's sister and cousin, but did not think he was doing anything wrong because his woman was cheating as well. The sister and cousin also had something going on the side.

My 40ish old cousin just got out of jail last week. He came over here with my uncle to help mow the lawn. This fool made some comment that I looked good. I did not feel too comfortable with that. I have not seen this man since forever and now he thinking I look good. Ugh. The next day, my sister told me the cousin wants my number. I told her to tell him I don't have a number. My sister was joking about the situation today, talking about it is ok to mess with a distant cousin. Her response: A third cousin is ok. I wonder how many third cousins, she has been with. Eww.

Not to mention, the two former friends, who are in jail for a long time for child molestation. One got 20 years and One got life.

In all these cases, the lines had been crossed and blurred, but no one realized it was. The rationale was, I guess justified and rationalized to make it seem ok.

I have also been in those blurred line situations. The situation would be blatantly wrong but I will justify it or rationalize it to think it is ok.

If I watch this porno, it is ok because it's better than having sex.

 If I give into self-pleasure, then it is ok because of stress.

Those darn kids are trying my last nerve and I need to relax.

If I watch this movie, I can handle this intense, sex scene.

Even when I was officially married, instead of separated, I felt bad about cheating at first, but then, I felt if he is going to cheat, then I am going to continue to cheat as well. It's not wrong because he is doing the same thing. I should not feel bad about seeking pleasure from other, even if the other man does not provide it. Blurred lines.

If I listen to this song, I won't get hormonal. Maybe I can talk about sex without letting it too far off base. It's one thing to say I was promiscuous. I had meaningless sex. I was a sex addict. It's another to go into specific details about specific acts. Who, what, when, where, how. I  (maybe you) am trying to maintain my celibacy. If you engage in an explicit or veer close to an explicit conversation, you risk the other party getting horny. (S)he may be willing and waiting for the right opening to let down your defenses. For example, I know this dude, who has been celibate for 6 years. You would think he would be encouragement to me, but he is not. The other day, we was talking about whatever on facebook. He wants a relationship. He misses sex. He is celibate. All that was fine and good but he also said he was horny and wanted some head. I told him No and I will help him remain celibate. He kept bringing up he horny and I finally had to tell him I was uncomfortable with him sending me these messages.

I had already told him how old Stacie felt about sex and felt about men, she had sex with. This conversation could have lead to additional trouble, not to mention guilt or regret for saying too freaking much. You have to set clear boundaries, which will help you in those blurred line situations.

I WILL not watch, buy, subscribe, partake in, pornography.
I WILL install parental controls on my computer for myself 
I WILL not engage in explicit sexual conversations or veer close to it
I WILL try to seek God more for guidance
I WILL find an accountability partner, I can trust with my personal thoughts, without fear of the information leaking out. 
I will avoid that song by that man on that CD or Amazon Cloud 
I WILL delete or block anyone, who tries to pressure me into having sex





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