My boyfriend's birthday was a little while ago, and I decided that it would be fun to see if my local Sex Store had anything that might be entertaining or interesting, mostly because I didn't want to give him the usual shirt or cologne. The underlying internal message was, as always, maybe there will be something that will also interest me.
So I wandered through the store and checked out all the toys, dildos, costumes, lubes, and various other sexual aids. I finally decided on a little heart-shaped box, containing small rolled papers which invited the participants to try different positions from the Kama Sutra. There were examples listed on the back of the box and while nothing seemed terribly inventive, I decided maybe there would be something so terrific it would send me screaming in sexual ecstasy.
Image: Emily Saunders via Flickr
Oh...and be good for him, too.
Then feeling rather naughty, I thought maybe some porn would make a good accompanying side dish. I perused the walls lined with DVDs, considering the unlimited types of movies available. Let me just say...WOW....who knew? Anything you could think of (and some I'll bet you never even considered) can be found in the porn section. A few actually confused me. I mean how erotic can it be to play with balloons full of shaving cream or lock yourself in the trunk of a new car for that sensual 'New Car' smell?
After ruling out the heavy duty S&M and Kink, I decided to try one of the movies made specifically for women. Porn has never been my thing, but I figure if I'm going to watch it, maybe one written and directed by a woman, for women, would contain something I'd be interested in. It advertsed a more artistic and sensual style, with a story line and dialogue that made sense beyond the usual groans of "Oh baby".
His birthday arrived and I baked a cake, lit the candles, and grandly presented him with his nicely wrapped presents. The cake was eaten. The presents were opened. Did we then have wild, passionate, monkey sex to top off the evening? Nope. We went to bed and went to sleep.
Since then, the box has remained unopened in my bedside drawer and the DVD has remained unwatched. They sit amongst the variety of other unused sexual toys and lotions in my "play" drawer. It's as if a neon sign is flashing over the dresser, proclaiming in large letters:
"Here lies the remains of a sex drive.
Please pause for a moment of silence out of respect"
The next day, I had another frank and open conversation with my boyfriend about all of this. While he is a great listener, I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand how his girlfriend has gone from a willing sex partner, to someone who would rather go to sleep. I have no answers for either of us. From everything I've read, it may or may not make a return to my life. Apparently, I'm supposed to be OK with this change. I'm supposed to have matured enough to understand that this transition is nature's way of letting a woman know her job is done and she can just relax, to take this time to just enjoy things "like a back rub or a romantic dinner"
Yep...one of the leading websites on menopause actually said that.
It also suggested that since we are so much more complicated than men, the medical community has yet to agree upon what exactly is happening in our bodies to account for this drop in desire. Men don't seem to experience the same drop in the WANT of sex...just the ability to perform. Thus, the infamous little blue pill.
When it comes to women, they can't seem to decide if it's the drop in Estrogen, the lack of Progesterone or Testosterone, emotions, lifestyles or a combination of all of the above that contributes to our loss of a sex drive. With all the advancements in medicine, they can't seem to figure it out? Are you freakin' kidding me?
All I have to say about this is that researchers and medical people need to stop "dicking" around and dedicate some serious time and money to solving the problem. I'd like to enjoy the idea of sex again before everything that is making a sprint towards the floor, actually arrives, and I have to throw the boobs over my shoulder in order to find anything below my belly button.