Thanksgiving is coming, but instead of being enthusiastic about the holiday itself, I'm excited about celebrating my daughters' birthday; born five years ago on Thanksgiving day, 2007.
It was a wild ride – pregnancy with twins; months of bed rest, nervous ultrasounds, undetermined blood tests. Especially after several losses.
The fact that my turkeys arrived on Thanksgiving day was like a gift from the stars.
It came with a message.
This is what is said:
"Here you go. Here is what you wished for. Here is the meaning of your life. These two 4-pounders are your daughters and they've been born on Thanksgiving day so that you never forget how grateful you must be for the gift of their lives on this Earth."
And I was grateful. More grateful than for anything I'd ever received.
And while I was swimming in gratefulness, recovering from a nasty c-section, pulling my IV drip back and forth to the nursery despite pleas from nurses to rest, I was also arguing with my husband and begging nurses to make him leave. We had fought throughout the pregnancy. I never felt loved and I always felt alone when he came around.
We couldn't get along, even at this most blessed time. Our paths were divergent despite the impending arrival of two growing babies with our DNA.
My divorce has been a long time coming. It is painful and ugly, and strips me of my will to smile whenever I'm in his presence.
But tomorrow I'm determined to (just) be thankful for my girls. They gave me what I always wanted. I wanted to be a mom.
My errands today will revolve around preparations for the celebration. A cake with mermaids will be picked up and their LeapFrog Tablet will be wrapped.
It's a pretty neat present for a couple of five year olds; easy to get, picked out from Target.
I only wish I was able to give them the best gift of all; the gift of a happy family. Children with happy, intact families are the luckiest of all.
For this, I am ungrateful. Ungrateful, without thanks, and hoping that they never suffer from the knowledge of their unluckiness; the failure of their parents stripping them of what should have been their right.
When your child/children were born, did you feel like it brought you and your spouse closer or did it put more stress on an already strained relationship? What will you be giving thanks for tomorrow around your dinner table?
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