There I was. My knees tucked to my chest, sobbing uncontrollably as I struggled for gasps of air in between sighs of pain. My state was nothing out of the ordinary. I had been dumped. The love of my life, the man that knew all my secrets, the man that I woke up next to every morning, the man who held me tightly and breathed me in as he kissed me... was gone. " It's not you... it's me," " I need to find myself" " I need freedom" are the words that effortlessly poured out of his mouth, in a room that once felt so warm and safe. This relationship was different from all the others I experienced before and yet I continually found myself sobbing with my knees to my chest, suffocating, hearing the same words, experiencing the same pain. While I had dated a variety of men in my 28 years of life, the same thing kept happening. And then it all made sense.The one constant in this situation was not these different men, but me. I knew I wasn't the only woman with this experience.
I was searching for self worth, for love and approval in others when all I needed was to search for it in myself. I let these men, these relationships take precedent over taking care of myself. I thought I was being love to myself, but I was never willing to walk away from people or situations that were not serving me best. I was too scared and paralyzed by fear. I let fear of loss dictate my life and therefore continually found myself in the same place.
And then it hit me! I needed to treat myself like multibillion dollar corporation. If I was going to merge with a different company, it has to firstly serve my company ( i.e. me!) Would a huge conglomerate sign a deal if they weren't increasing revenue and expanding their brand? Hell no! Would a good merger be to fire all your employees ( i.e. your friends) and just hire all the other corporations employees( i.e. his friends) NO WAY! I just realized that I was running a shitty business aka MY LIFE! I needed to be a better boss and take control! I was never going to watch my brand grow if I was making mergers left and right with poor business partners! If I wanted to build my empire I needed to find a company ( i.e. man) that was going to collaborate, work to improve and grow both companies and enjoy my presence along the way! And here's the best part. I needed to not be afraid to walk away from the deal if it wasn't right! Every business woman knows that! Just shake hands and move forward! Besides ... the right deal will come along!
With love light and laughter