Bashing Sex Doesn't Make You A Better Woman!

4 years ago

I recently subscribed to a well respected women's literary magazine and, because they were out of the current issue or between issues or something, they decided to send me a complimentary back issue. I thought it was nice of them, and I left it in the car to peruse while waiting for the kids to get out of school. A nice magazine can make the hell that is the car line a lot less painful. 

One of the first features I came across was the horoscope, and although it was five years old, I decided to read it anyway - I really will read almost anything while sitting in pick up line. 

Here it is in it's entirely:

I was incensed.  I've going to "have to give it up?" If I'm lucky I can talk him into a quickie and use sex as a way to get him to take care of the kids. Really? 

I do not think it is healthy to view sex as something you have to do, that you don't want to do, or that you use as a leveraging tool and hope is as short as possible.  If this is how you view sex, you are doing it wrong, and that attitude can be toxic to your marriage.  

Sex should revive you when the household is chaotic and overwhelming. It should ground you and cement you to your partner. It doesn't matter how old you are or what you look like, it is an exercise everyone can do. Even Christopher Reeve talked about having sex when he was paralyzed from the neck down.  It's that important, and I hope you love and cherish your partner's body as well as admire their parenting skills. A lot. Reeve still thought intimacy with his wife was important and he found ways to make it happen.

Sex should be really freaking enjoyable.  If you have to "close your eyes and think of England," you really need to go on a sexual re-awakening journey. It should not be something you do for your man, it should be something you like doing and can't wait to do again. 

Sex-bashing does not show off that you are an edgy feminist. It just means you are missing the boat.  Sex can be spiritual and magical and - I'll say it - a sacrament.   Sex can be messy and funny and we all have colossal sex fails on occasion. But sex is an integral part of the miracle of life. There is a reason we don't lay eggs and have the fathers come fertilize them outside our bodies. There is a reason we don't have sex just to procreate. 

The same week I read the above horror-scope, I saw this on Facebook:



 And again, I was furious.  The longer we continue to act like pleasuring our partner is debasing us, the longer we will miss out on the joy that sexuality can bring.  I understand that sex isn't always magical and spiritual. I understand that sometimes it is just for fun. I realize that sometimes it is a commodity. But the more we treat it as something vile that must be tolerated, the more we miss out.  

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