I finally hit a wall at the end of Young MacD's holiday visit last week. I was finally willing to openly admit how much I liked him, and how much harder the logisitics of our "thing" was becoming. I was no longer willing to play it cool with him, since I no longer wanted this to be a casual "thing." He agreed. Quickly. This led to him suggesting we put things on the back-burner for the time-being.
I cried. He was right to suggest this, but part of me wished I could take back the whole conversation. Neither of us want to be in a long distance relationship. Neither of us want to do anything to hurt eachother. Plus, I have horrendous trust issues, and would never want to smother anyone I was dating whether they live two minutes away, or 200 miles away. But I know if we were to actually give things a shot living in different cities, I'd suffocate him... to death. So when we agreed to try doing the opposite for a little while and not talk, my wimpy reaction caught me by surprise.
We first hit it off over Labor Day weekend. For the first few visits after that weekend, I was able to distance myself emotionally due to the physical distance (and my hopeless devotion to Dick). But the more time I spent with Young MacD, the more I started to like him. He was different from any guy I'd ever gone for. Smart. Kind of like a silent assassin with all sorts of amazing weapons. Always coming out of left field.
Just when I'd think he wasn't the type of guy I'd be interested in dating, he'd peel back a new layer of his personality and have me eating out of the palms of his hands. I told him he's slick. He spun it around and called himself unassuming. He's right. I hate giving him this much credit.
Fortunately, Young MacD gave me the due credit and let me know he'd want me as his girlfriend if we both lived in the same city. This made me feel slightly relieved knowing I wasn't this crazy gal who made up this connection we have up in my head. But I also felt robbed knowing the thing keeping us from being together right now is the distance. This makes it very hard to hate him, and might make it even harder to just move on.
So for now, I'll just have to add this to my laundry list of things to look forward to if and when I make the big move. If we are both as willing to give it a shot as we feel we would be now.
And for now, back to the drawing board!