This Is What Most People Don't Understand About Asexuality

8 months ago
Cassidy Kelley/Unsplash

My name is Dannii Cohen, I am a new writer for She Knows. I am a feminist, an author and a psychologist. I am part of the LGBT and I am also an asexual. Ah, I bet that last part caught your attention. Some might know what this word means in biology, some might even know it can be applied to humans but most of you might be confused.

 

It has been scientifically proven that at-least one in hundred people is asexual. This number seems rather high. But despite this it's the sexuality that is the most ignored.
When something seems invisible, how can you make it visible? Raising awareness of asexuality is one of the hardest things to do. How can you show someone that you just don't feel that urge?
On the other hand: explaining what asexuality means is actually pretty easy: to have no or a very low sex drive. To feel little or no sexual attraction to any gender. To have little or no arousal.

The lack of asexual awareness out there has driven me to write a book on the subject that will be published later this year. During my research I found that quite a lot of people think that asexuality is a hip new orientation – something teenagers have thought up to be “interesting”. No, it is because of these brave teens that asexuality has become more out there, more acknowledged, but the “asexual movement” actually begun in 1999 and even before this asexuality has always been around, just like there have always been people that are straight, gay or bi.

Over the centuries there have been books (fact and fiction) about men and women who were single all their lives, they were so called “eternal bachelors” or “old spinsters” (horrible word). Quite a lot of those people might have been secretly gay or lesbian but a large group of them was asexual too.

The one question that asexuals often get is: "What possible reasons could someone have for not having sex?" Well, whatever reason you can think of. Why is someone gay? Why is someone straight?
It’s the sexuality you are born with, nothing more, nothing less.

For most people, including me, asexuality is not a passing phase; you are born with it. It is not for nothing that the definition of asexuality is: Being born without sexual feelings. You can’t turn it off, you can’t give it up. You can’t change the way you are born.

Over the years my research for my book and recent scientific research have made it clear that there are many millions of asexuals scattered about the planet. Most of them do not even know that they are asexual and are confused about who and what they are. Often they think something is severely wrong with them; there isn't. Asexuality is normal, there are millions of us out there and the awareness raises every day. It is not wrong, a problem or something that needs to be fixed. It is an orientation, it is part of who you are. It does not stop you from loving, from caring and being a full and warm person. Asexuality is ACE!

Tagged in:
sex LGBTQ
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