It's been nine months since the blow-up in my newly-remodled kitchen. Yes, I was the one who asked for the divorce, but it had been a silent passenger in my marriage for years. Okay, at times it was not so silent. I hung on to that marriage for the all the cliched reasons: the kids, the years invested (27), the fear of the unknown, the fear that I couldn't make it out there in the big, bad world without him (something he told me on a regular basis), fear of everone finding out what a jerk my husband was and what a sham our marriage had been. Shocker...anyone who spent any time around us already knew, although I wouldn't find that out until I left him for good.
A lot has happened in that nine months. I started out thinking I couldn't do it. Taking that first step was hard. It was hard to go hire a divorce attorney, hard to get my things out of the house without my husband knowing what I was doing, and getting a long-term hotel room until I could find an apartment. It was extremely hard to borrow money from my elderly mother so that I could get the ball rolling and live during this, but she was happy to help me get away from him, so she loaned me everything she could, and even GAVE me some that she didn't want back. She was there when I called in tears, just convinced that I would die homeless and alone, just as he convinced me was my future. She was there when I got my first court date and was scared to death. She was there when I was intimidated by his threats. She had a lot of good advice, but most importantly, she let me know I was not going through this alone. I had a lot of good friends who came alongside me during this, too. Friends I didn't even know I had. I couldn't have done it without each and every one of them.
In the nine months that have passed, the divorce has become final, my jerk ex-husband has remarried, I have moved back to my hometown, and I've reclaimed my maiden name. I'm working toward getting it together and building a life that is completely mine, a future that is dependant upon MY hard work. I know I'll make mistakes, and I know that life is uncertain. But it's MY adventure, MY new life.
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