According to TheKnot.com, the average American wedding costs approximately $28,427 – and that’s not even counting the honeymoon! No wonder brides are so stressed. But, that’s no excuse. Being a Bridezilla can cost relationships, time, and dignity.
Here Comes the Bridezilla
Image via Flickr by enjosmith
The indigenous wedding creature known as the Bridezilla lives on a steady diet of wedding cake samples and catering food. She’s aggressive in her natural habitat and known to charge at anyone who changes her plans. The Bridezilla has a nasty bite; her words are full of venom. She is a monogamous mammal, yet she’s just one stress-martini away from being single.
In spite of her name, the Bridezilla is not a monster – although, she is likely to kill her mate before she marries him. Her carnal desire to host the perfect wedding has only driven her mad with desire. Her mother and maid of honor are especially susceptible to her vicious behavior.
Her strength, beauty, and mystique are paralleled only by her uncontrollable temper. Furthermore, there are several subspecies of the native Bridezillas, each one more brutal than the other.
Bride of Frankenstein
Image via Flickr by Sweet Honey Pie
The “bride of Frankenstein” Bridezilla has the best intentions by far and, often, her actions are misinterpreted. The zombie-like “bride of Frankenstein” has laser-eye focus for her big day. This type of Bridezilla is more likely to occasionally forget her manners, and she’s not known to cause a huge scene.
Cosmopolitan reader Allie M wrote in about one such Bridezilla stating, “I was in a wedding where the bride made us all wear short taffeta dresses and matching yellow pumps. In Philly. In January. We took pictures literally standing in the snow. And no, we weren't allowed to wear tights.”
The “Bride of Frankenstein” is often so concerned about creating the perfect look that she loses her brain over it. Once she knocks back a few reception cocktails, the terrified villagers (re: wedding guests) will surely shout, “She’s Alive!”
The Princess Bride
Image via Flickr by Wolfgang Lonien
The “princess bride” is a total brat. Prissy in pink, this type of Bridezilla often resorts to childish behavior when it comes to her big day. She’s a royal pain in her wedding party’s ass.
TheNest.com asked its users to share their worst Bridezilla stories. User “iwaly889” gave the perfect example of a true princess: “My ex-best friend stopped speaking to me (permanently) when I couldn't attend her destination wedding. She only planned the date for the wedding only six weeks in advance, and I had a final exam that day. Apparently I was the bad friend for being unwilling to fail out of law school for her last minute wedding.”
The “princess bride” is likely to lose more than one friend after her snotty behavior. All’s fair in love and weddings. As you wish princess. As. You. Wish.
Image via Flickr by andrewmalone
According to the 7th annual "What's On Brides' Minds" survey by David’s Bridal, 83 percent of grooms take an active role in planning their own wedding. It’s no surprise, then, that the “Bridegroom(zilla)” is also a nasty creature of wedding culture.
Wedding planner Sandy Malone knows this subspecies all too well. In an piece for the Huffington Post, Malone remembered one the more brutish breeds: “[…] when he arrived 20 minutes late to his own ceremony and the spot had already been chosen and chairs set up (if you're late, you take what you get or nobody will have a seat when they arrive), he freaked out because he'd wanted it done differently. As the guests gathered, he screamed and yelled and cursed at me and had all of his friends tear apart the wedding setup and redo it facing another direction.”
The conduct of the elusive “Bridegroom(zilla)” is sometimes even worse than the bride. Of monsters and men, the “Bridegroom(zilla)” certainly takes the wedding cake.
Bride of Dishonor
Image via Flickr by celynek
The worst Bridezilla is the one who forgoes her morals just to act out her fantasy wedding. The “Bride of Dishonor” brings shame to her family and herself. A genuine kaiju immerging straight from the murky waters of pre-marital “bliss,” she’s downright terrifying and something no bride should ever become.
In Business Insider’s article, “Meet 10 Horrifying 'Bridezillas',” one of the worst Bridezillas kicked her bridesmaid out of the wedding because she was pregnant – apparently pregnant women aren’t photogenic. The Bridezilla decided to invite the woman back into her wedding party only after she found out the woman miscarried!
We now announce to you: always be the bride, never the Bridezilla. What are some of your worst Bridezilla stories? Share your bridezilla stories here.