Happy Monday. Time to start off the week with another Lesson from the Ladies Room. This week's lesson is inspired by the over-eager beavers out there who feel the need to fast forward the physical progression of the relationship by playing into particular vulnerabilities of the female mind. The reality is, if a guy likes you, he wants to sleep with you. If he doesn't like you he probably wants to sleep with you too as a matter of fact. It's natural. However there are times when guys like to test the limits of your physical boundaries by utilizing certain acts of persuasion to get you into bed. Maybe you're on a date that has extended until the wee hours of the night. Maybe you've had one too many cocktails and you both are feeling a little extra randy. Maybe you two have engaged in some heavy petting and it's time to make a decision on where it is headed. Lessons from the Ladies Room presents:
#5- The acts of getting you into bed
Act I: The Sympathetic Road- In which he tries to get you into bed for your own sake of self-preservation. A common line associated with this script is "Hey, it's late. You should just stay with me so you don't have to go all the way home at this hour."
The reality...If he's that concerned about your personal safety he should make sure you get into a cab or escort you home and make sure you walk through the door in one piece.
Act II: The Apathetic Road- In which he tries to get you into bed by pretending that he has no interest in sleeping with you. A common line associated with this script is "You should stay over. I know, we won't have to do anything. I'll be asleep on one side of the bed and you'll be on the other."
The reality...this script will most likely change once you fall into bed. The other side of the bed will likely be "too chilly" thus the two of you will have to intertwine in order to prevent hypothermia, or some other non-coincidental occurrence.
Act III: The Flattering Road- In which he tries to make you feel more desired than Helen of Troy, so that you will want to OD on more of this blatant flattery. A common line associated with this script is "You are so beautiful and amazing. *Strokes and kisses hand* I'd be so lucky if you just let me hold you all night."
The reality...yes you are beautiful and amazing. And you need your beauty sleep, so go home.
Act IV: The I Think I'm Smooth But I'm Not Road- In which he tries to make it all about you by enhancing your comfort-levels. A common line associated with this script is "Do you want a massage?"
The reality...he assumes that the more "relaxed" you are the more likely you are to let your guard down. Inevitably, your shirt will "get in the way" and subsequently need to come off to ensure proper massage technique and enjoyment, thus leading to wandering hands, etc, etc.
Act V: The Guilt Road- In which, in a last ditch effort, he tries to make you feel bad about not coming home with him or vice versa, hoping that intense feelings of guilt will make you feel bad about yourself, question your decision making skills, and therefore cause you to yield. Common lines associate with this script is "You're not coming over?! Really?" followed by pouting and a general sense of annoyance or "I can't believe you're not inviting me up. I took you out, we had a nice time, yada yada yada."
The reality...he's basically saying that he's attempting to trade goods for services and that by withholding you are wasting his time.
So what does one do when confronted with theses various acts of coercion? Politely decline. If he goes on about it, firmly decline. If he gets pushy or rude, disengage by walking away. The world will never have shortage of men who try to use tactics to get you into bed, but what we as women have to remember is that we are in the driver's seat and have the right to put on the brakes. While all men will eventually ask you to "come up" as a natural progression of a courtship, a true gentleman is not going to try to pressure or guilt you into doing so. In the end, we must hold ourselves responsible for how this plays out. Every time you choose to say no is a step in the right direction towards self-respect and gaining more respect from the men of the world in an era where it is continuously fading. If you find that you are easily swayed by such tactics, just ask yourself what you will feel worse about: Giving in and regretting it the next day or saying no, having him possibly not call, but retaining your own boundaries and values. Giving in doesn't guarantee you a call-back anyway, so choose wisely.
This has been a PSG PSA. On this Monday, remember that manners matter. Be good to others and be good to yourself. Thank you for reading.