8 Things that Wedding Guests (rightfully) Bitch About

7 years ago

1. Sending Ms. Doe & Mr. Smith an invite addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Back in the olden days, the idea that a woman would have a different last name than her husband was fully ridiculous. You know what? It’s 2011 people - get used to it!!! Here’s my favorite version of this faux pas: Soon-to-be Mr&Mrs send me and my husband a Mr&Mrs invitation. When I send back the RSVP card, I clearly write out each of our full names – you know, to clarify things. Apparently, that’s not clear enough because when I get to the reception I see that my place card says MrsHusbandsLastName. Seriously. This happens. To me. More than once.

2. Reception to follow . . . at some point
If your ceremony is at 2 p.m., but your reception starts at 6:30 p.m., you CANNOT just write “Reception to Follow” on you invitation and act like the FOUR FREAKING HOURS in between are no big deal. Unless your reception immediately follows your ceremony (immediate = travel time + no more than 30 minutes) give your guests specific start times. It may be your big day, but we've got other sh*t to do.

3. You like us, but you like our gifts more
You are not entitled to a wedding gift. We give you gifts because we care. And because we care, we'll look for your registry or we'll ask around to figure out what you guys like. What we don't care for? Finding gift registry information included in the wedding invitation. A little presumptuous, don't you think?

4. Making us pay for crap drinks
This isn’t a rant about not having an open bar (different issue altogether). Here’s the rub: If you’re gonna to make me pay for my own drinks, don’t limit the bar selections to sh*tty beer and aged swill. I want a choice of every option available at your reception location – it’s my money, after all. If necessary, I will seek out the hotel bar when the reception bar was lametastic. I hope, for the couple’s sake, that the cash bar totals don’t factor into their food and beverage minimums because my money (and that of anyone who didn’t want Bud Light) went elsewhere.

5. Vegetarians are people too
If you think it’s appropriate to give vegetarian guests a fruit plate while everyone else enjoys steak and potatoes, then you are completely clueless. Do you really think vegetarians eat a random assortment of fruit for dinner? Of course, you don’t (at least I hope you don’t). So, why forget that in your planning. You can do better than this (and so can your reception hall, caterer, etc...)

6. Paint by numbers seating chart
If you're gonna to do a seating chart, do it right. If you aren't gonna do it right, then don't do it. The goal is to create a fun and social environment, not to sentence your guests to wedding purgatory. Just because a group of people have one thing in common - the $25,000 Pyramid kind of commonality - doesn't mean they should be forced to sit together. It takes hours to perfect a seating chart, if you aren't willing to put in that kind of time, step away from the board. (Want tips? Another post for another day - stay tuned)

7. It's a wedding, not a strip club
Yes, yes, I know some people actually like the dollar dance. Why? I don't know. It kills the party vibe (everyone having a blast on the dance floor, then DJ says "folks I'm gonna need to ask you to clear the floor..."). It's awkward - it's like a  middle school dance in the twilight zone where everyone bizarrely lines up to dance with the cool kids. And, it's just tacky. How much more do you need from each guest? Seriously, if you need money that badly, maybe you shouldn't be throwing a huge reception in the first place. Just sayin...

8. Saturday afternoon delight (or not so much)
Nothing, absolutely nothing, that happens during your ceremony or reception gives you and your other license to inspect each other's tonsils in front of us. We get that you're happy; we're happy for you. We just don't want to watch you two go at it - you might be our cousin, or sibling, or neighbor, or something (and that's just icky).

- Scarlet
You can read more of Scarlet's snarky musings at Snarky Apple.

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