5 Feel-Good, Baby-making, Frosting-eating, Crazy-disciplined, (Clip-on) Bangin’ Benefits to Running Every Day
If you are non-runner and wear normal people shirts, you probably think running is boring at best and masochistic at worst. Maybe you even express your beliefs by slapping a "0.0" sticker on your car bumper so everyone will know about your non-running habit. But even if you don't love running you can still find interest in avoiding problems at an accelerated rate, right? Seriously? Who can say NO when they are offered a chance to avoid problems at a rapid pace? I would recommend a congressional panel to examine ties to felonry, socialism, and perhaps formal unicorn peculation to whomever can refuse this proposition. If the problem-avoiding feel-good benefits of running everyday still just don't absolutely appeal to you, then you probably would still appreciate learning about the 5 benefits of running every day if I promise to not expose you to a motivational poster about the empowering, energizing and intense effect of running in rain, heat or snow. Although it does make for a good running shoe selfie on Facebook or Twitter, lacing up for a daily run does offer tremendous benefits in other areas of life you should know about. Note: You don't even have to run every single day to see benefits. And as always, if you are just starting out, you probably shouldn't run every single day or start a bib collection. Just yet. I just ask that you be open to a period of honest to goodness transition and self-exploration. Get ready to question yourself, who am I? Where am I going? What does my future hold? How many espresso lattes can I have this morning before my heart spontaneously explodes?
So as promised here are 5 feel good benefits to running every day:
1. Running every day is good for your heart.
Okay, almost everyone has heard of running's cardiovascular benefit but maybe you don't know exactly what it has to do with the heart. In the simplest terms, running helps dilate the body's blood vessels and enables blood to circulate more freely. This makes your heart work hard so when you aren't pounding the pavement, your heart will think everything else seems easy. This leads to a lower resting heart rate. The average runner has a resting heart rate of around 60 beats per minute and better breathing. As everyone knows, good breathing in and out is every bit as good as a morphine drip. I know this to be true because sometimes, if I don’t carefully monitor my breathing at home, I get good and stoned.
2. Running every day makes you a beast in the bedroom.
This is another exciting benefit of running because it will make you perform better and increase flexibility when you need it most. Health professionals at Colombia University say that during exercise blood flows to your genital regions. As a result, running everyday prevents erectile dysfunction in men. Running also increases libido and sexual fulfillment that is usually synonymous with Harlequin damsels, heaving bosoms and their I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter commercial stable boys. Even though a butter stable boy has never done a thing for me let me stop right here and address that whole libido situation. Something happens when an ordinary man puts on a pair of running shoes, and it’s a documented fact in the Encyclopedia of Alabama. Their hotness level is multiplied by 118. Do you already know about this phenomenon? If you don’t believe me, purchase some manly running shoes at once and slap 'em on any and every man you see. You will no longer recognize him. Plus you’ll want to fire up your ovaries and bear him numerous offspring.
Ran a half-marathon/made 2 babies.
3. Running every day makes you happy.
When you run, you release endorphins and neurotransmitters (like dopamine) which are responsible for mood regulation when you're having one of those overwhelmed, underappreciated and estrogen deficient days. When I can't get a run in, like once in a 3 month period, I scream just a little and say a truly bad word at least four times. Thankfully, my sons understand my need for running them in the jog stroller at least once a day so they can enjoy their day completely shielded from the fact that their mama is a stark-raving mad lunatic. It's true some physicians say that running is even as effective as psychotherapy in alleviating depression because running gives patients something else to focus on thereby serving as an escape mechanism. I believe this to be true because running 10-15 miles a day makes me as happy as knowing a cake is chilling in the fridge which in turn, causes delight to bust out all over my face. I'm not a typical cake lover, but I do believe The Almighty One only invented the actual cake part so chicks like me wouldn’t have to feel bad about themselves for having to eat frosting right out of the Duncan Hines container. In the pantry with the overhead light off. While weeping ever so softly.
4. Running every day teaches you discipline.
When asked what drives a person to get out and run every day, the late Dr. George Sheehan, best-selling author from the 1970s running boom said, "There will never be a day when we won't need dedication, discipline, energy, and the feeling that we can change things for the better."
Well that sounds logical.
And I am all about logical. (I could hardly type that with a serious facial expression.)
Frankly, because I run every day I’m happy to the point of outright and exuberant giddiness and the happier I become, the more convinced I am that something has completely short-circuited in my brain. I should be spending my time today worrying, fretting and stewing, not skipping around the house whistling Pharrell's "Happy" song. I've got all this discipline to run every day but I’ve got to snap out of this giddy happiness, people. I’ve got to get ahold of myself and smack me back down to planet Earth. Life is hard, people are mean and there are no unicorns. I need to focus on the things that make me feel bad about life and try to stop thinking of kittens and twenty-somethings in love running in slow motion on Florida's 'Best Kept Secret' beach down the street.
OK, good. Now I’m starting to feel somewhat less vivacious. I’m coming down just a tad bit from my euphoria. (Unfortunately the fact that I used the word “vivacious" has now made me giggle. Stupid thesaurus.)
So what was I saying? Oh, along with dealing with ADD and OCD and being happy, nothing takes as much dedication and discipline as running every day.
5. Running every day makes you look good.
Even when I over-pluck my eyebrows so much so that I look surprised about everything for weeks after I can still run every day to improve muscle tone and maintain a healthy weight. And wear Kim Kardashian clip-on bangs to camouflage my forehead.
Running is one of the best exercises because it increases lean muscle tissue while burning fat and working like extra-strength Midol to relax and de-bloat a great white whale. Besides balancing hormones to stave off metabolic disorders, running every day will also make you feel more confident about your appearance, which in turn will make you look sexier. I'm sure there are numerous ways in which to look sexier like changing hairstyles or losing weight or getting a stripper pole and learning to do whatever it is strippers do that cause men to spontaneously make their mortgage payments rain over them. But it's always best to just go for a run. Yeah. Let’s do that.
Enjoy the 5 feel-good benefits by going for a run and may good karma fall all over you like crazy on a Kardashian with a clip-on forehead merkin.
More from love