3 Down

5 years ago

I talk a lot here about being a mom, but I don't write very often about being a wife. And I'm going to be honest: I find marriage to be infinitely more difficult than parenthood. Being a parent comes very naturally to me: I work off instinct, gut feeling, and a lot of common sense, and that's done us well so far. That's not to say that I have not struggled some days or weeks. Having a kid is ridiculous. But I am (for the most part) confident in my abilities as her mother, and his as her father. I am not always confident, however, in my role as wife. I struggle. Some days, a lot. I have a hard time straddling the line between selfish and selfless, giving too much and not giving enough. It's a delicate balance that I'm not sure I have a firm grasp on.

Where parenting comes easily, naturally, without forethought, marriage is the opposite. Marriage requires time and care and constant energy to feed it and nourish it and help it thrive. Unfortunately, once you have a child, all of your resources are shifted to that new relationship, that new life. I think we (or maybe it's just me, I don't know) tend to take our partners for granted once we have that new person to focus on. It seems daunting, after a long, hard day of being a mother, to then have to turn around and be a wife. And I fail at it. More than I am ready to admit. I've repeated to myself *several* times over the last few months: having a clean house doesn't make me a good wife; putting away the laundry doesn't make me a good wife; cooking every might does not make me a good wife. Basically, I'm a great housekeeper.

Today is our third wedding anniversary. The last year was hard, in many ways. Life doesn't always work the way you want or expect it to, and a lot of stresses have crept into our life, into our home. Our connection hasn't always been strong, but it's here. It has always been HERE. Buried under a bunch of other shit, yes, but it's here. And that gives me strength. I love my husband, more today than the day I married him. He is my partner, my support, my future. I just need to remember that. We need to remember that. As important as our responsibilities are as parents, our responsibility to each other is just as important. Our connection to each other is important. For us, and for Dylan.

3 years doesn't seem like a long time, but it can feel like an eternity (in a good way). I'm proud we've made it 3 years (and a baby!) with our love and respect for each other in tact. That is not an easy feat, and we are more than aware that many couples aren't as fortunate. Dylan is my number one priority, and she always will be, but that doesn't mean that my marriage has to be number two. I'm starting to understand that they are not mutually exclusive. We can be amazing parents, and have a solid marriage. Just as long as we give it the time and attention is needs, and deserves. We owe it to our daughter, and to ourselves.

Happy anniversary my love. I love you more today than I did three years ago. And that's saying something, because I loved you a lot three years ago. You made me a wife, and you made me a mother. But most importantly, you made me, and continue to make me, happy. I love you. Here's to 30 more...

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