~The Men you will Date in your 20’s~
1. “Mr. I could sell ice to an eskimo”
Aka- the retailer/ salesman. You probably met this guy while out on a shopping trip. Told you looked good in a pair of jeans and next thing you know you’re walking out with 3 pairs of pants a new top, shoes and a phone number. Boom…like a boss! Don’t get too excited….this isn’t going to last long…he does this with everyone. So don’t be stupid about this. Keep this one around for a little while and if you can arrange it make this happen during the spring….buying new clothes for a new season can be awfully expensive and that 50% off friends and family discount will come in handy for the 6 swim suits you think you need.
Obviously you met this one at your all time favorite bar. You probably were out with the girls looking fine as hell…per usual. Anyways one thing lead to another and before you knew it you’re the most valued customer at your local watering hole. This guy is super fun and the free drinks are convenient. This also won’t last very long. His work schedule sucks and watching ugly ratchets all over him every Friday and Saturday gets annoying. Keep this guy in the friend zone….reap the benefits girl!
3. “The Silver Fox”
“I didn’t know what you liked so I ordered one of everything on the menu” – thanks Richard gear for stealing my heart in 1990 in pretty woman. This is a man with experience….you may have met this man in Vegas …or a random bar. What’s hotter than a man that can take off work any day of the week and fly you Vegas if he wanted?…few things. But knowing what the look on your parents face will be when you would have to introduce them to what could have been a classmate will end that quick…unless you have no morals. In that case…rock on baby girl.
4. “The bad boy”
Tattoo’s…Harleys…and felonies…oh my J I’m telling you know …this isn’t going to work…go for the Harley ride and then change your number. You’re welcome.
5. “The nice Guy”
You dated him immediately after the bartender and bad boy. And it didn’t work….because he was nice. He’s too soft spoken …and your most likely too wild for him. And dancing on top of tables is frowned upon…but he will help you down.
6. “The Brady Bunch”
Diaper bag- check. Snacks for later -check. No plans this weekend because he has the kids. There goes your life for the next 18 years every other weekend. This guy is the dad. Let’s be honest. The older you get and longer you stay single the more people with kids start circulating around…I have a statistic going and I think like 1 in 5 friends I have, have children. No nothing against that at all…I love kids…we defiantly love some of the same things…I can watch Disney movies for days. But am I an appropriate candidate for a man with children? No…I can’t even take care of myself.
7. “The entrepreneur”
A man in a suit is like a woman in lingerie…FACT.
There are fewer things more attractive to me than a man on a mission, goals and a direction in life. This guy is great to have around. Look at this as benefitting yourself and really take all the motivation in to help pursue your career goals. Think of this as networking. This relationship will probably end for now…not saying you won’t get back together…but right now he needs to pursue goals and you are on the back burner…take this time and get yourself ahead of the game. Men with ambition love woman who are equally as driven.
8. “The Bar Rat”
Jager bombs? Jager bombs? You want a Jager bomb? We will take 10 jager bombs! Ooooohhh the bar rat…bless his heart. This guy lives at the local watering hole. We will call this place home base. It’s the one bar he starts at and ends at every night. May resemble an episode of cheers. Everyone knows his name and the minute he walks in the door they have
“his” drink waiting for him. You probably had your first date here….and his favorite song is probably “closing time “or “Sweet Caroline”. Its gonna get real awkward if “the bar rat” and “the bartender” are from the same bar. Friend zone this bitch. This is not to be confused to the “bottle rat” (later blog to explain this one)
9. “The Gym Rat”
“Are you working your bi’s or tri’s today? What day is your cheat day? I think I am going to go paleo.” The gym rat. This guy is great for motivation….and if you can work it out, meet him in January…nothing is better that having a gym buddy to prepare for swimsuit season. This guy takes his workout and meals seriously…what a great way to stay on track. I personally love the gym rat….6pack abs anyone? I will lick whipped cream right off that package ;) Please please please be careful with this one ladies …there is a big difference between a gym rat and a total douche bag….ways to tell if he is a douche bag? Works biceps 3 or more times a week, has little legs, wears affliction shirts, or takes gym selfies are all a few sure signs.
10. “The Kennedy”
“How would you like to spend the weekend at the race track watching my families race horse”-the kennedy…no that’s ok I have better things to do..Said no one ever. The Kennedy man….agh …what a sexy guy this is…he was probably a legacy at a frat at like Sigma Alpha Epsilon…maybe has the same name as his father and his grandfather…Who doesn’t like a man with a well bread family? I’ve never meant a “JOHN III” who was a loser. He probably wears a lot of Ralph Lauren. Maybe has a hip comb over…(also has a great head of hair). Grandparents worked in the state legislature. Family owns a race horse. He has the type of family who holds like a family tradition …like touch football in the back yard every thanksgiving. Maybe a proud member of the champions club. Definitely a member at the local country club. This Guy is a KEEPER! Lock this one down! This is a great reason to open up a SAKS account or go on a spree at your nearest Nordstrom. You didn’t see Princess Di walking around town meeting other royals looking ratchet did you? No! She was dressed to a T and always looked on point…as should you!
11. “The Worldly Man”
This man has been everywhere….seen everything…ate at every local restaurant around town…knows everyone…and honestly is annoying as fuck! He seemed attractive on the first date …drop him immediately. He is defiantly a name dropper…and is too cool for school. You probably won’t benefit at all from this one. GET OUT NOW!
12. “The Athlete”
Dear lord help us all! This guy…oh this guy is a riot. A wild man…a hottie with a body. Talk dirty to me! This guy is super fun! A guys guy…nothing is better than dating a dude that is down for his guy friends. This is a great guy to date ….especially the free tickets that come along with. What’s better than you and your girlfriends drinking in the middle of the week during baseball season? …oh that’s weird you can’t think of anything? Because there is nothing better than that. Unless you hate sports…then this will suck for you and that’s why it ended. Fair warning…his mom is his biggest fan…look at Kevin Durant’s mom…front rows at every game...so don’t fuck with that J
13. “The band Guy”
Who doesn’t love a good band or good music for that matter? Nothing is better than having a guaranteed reason to get back stage passes and wear leather. You probably met this guy while with your friends at a trashy bar or a street dance on a Saturday night while a local band was playing. Seemed like a great idea huh? And when you were 8 beers in you felt like Bon Jovi’s wife didn’t you. “Ya I could defiantly be a real house wife of the newest upcoming band….I would be the hottest one on tv…I should make a reality series on this.” I am telling you now…the band probably sucks and isn’t going to make it. I mean let it ride out…and chances are you are dating the one In the band with the biggest ego (of course) and well that just gets annoying. There is a reason all the great rock stars are single…grab the t-shirt and cd and get off the damn tour bus sister.
14. “The Optical Illusion”
Ok there are 2 types of Optical illusions:
1- The guy who was a 10 at the bar on Saturday…and then somehow magically turned into a 4 on Tuesday night at dinner….opps.
2- The guy who seemed like any of the following types of guys (example: nice guy or entrepreneur and then turned into someone completely opposite)
*it happens ladies and I have no advice at all on this one except to get better friends to avoid this from happening and go buy a new since of judgment.
15. “The Farm Boy”
Chevy didn’t make the commercial “and then god made a farmer” for nothing. Nothing is better than a man who can handle manual labor and has a REAL tan. This guy is a true southern gentleman…loves his mamma and is tight with his family. Is probably taking over the family farm soon as well. You probably convinced yourself you were some sort of southern bell and a pioneer woman….i mean you might be ….but don’t get to far ahead of yourself. Being an original farm girl myself…I’m warning most of you women out there…you probably can’t hang.
16. “THE TINDER GUY”
Welcome to 2014 bitches….where you no longer need to leave the comfort of home and everyone who is matched with you was chosen on looks alone. That’s not self-conceded at all ;) This could go one of 2 ways…
1- He could turn into your boyfriend and you can laugh and tell your children about how you met on the shadiest app out there
2- It could quite possibly be the worst experience of your life.
17. “The Car Guy”
Who doesn’t love a man with a nice car? There are 2 types of car guys
1-The man with the nice car- he probably loves his car more than life itself…washes it 5 times a week…is constantly doing some kind of upgrade to his car or getting a new car. He is the guy you DO NOT want riding in your car. Unless you keep a clean car and I don’t…and the last thing I want to hear is “Adrianne your car is filthy”. Pop off I have better things to worry about
2 – the car salesman- now as much as this seems like a perk…think of this….he probably trades girls in as often as he trades cars in. TRUTH. Keep this guy until you upgrade to a new car. YOU’RE WELCOME
18. “THE PRETTY BOY”
Nothing is worse than waiting on people to get ready…especially when I have spent the last 2 hours getting ready myself. And what makes that even worse is when you are waiting for a man. I’m sorry unless you have the body of Hercules and a head of hair like mine…there is no reason to take that long to get ready. Now let’s get one thing straight …I love a metro man…or even a pretty boy for that matter. A guy who takes care of himself, looks like a dime and smells as if he may have just stepped out of an axe commercial…ya …that’s hot. But please make sure when you find this man make sure he knows to that it is not necessary to be so high maintenance….if there is going to be someone in this relationship that’s high maintenance ….by god it’s going to be me.
19. “THE SHORT GUY”
There you have it…it ended because you were short. He most likely has L.M.S (little man syndrome) big ego…talks a lot of shit…starts most of all bar fights…is the loudest man in his group of friends…and thinks he was the best point guard from his high school basketball team since Mario Chalmers. I’m sorry I have a strict policy…if we are the same height without heels on I don’t trust you. I want a man that I can climb like a tree!
*DISCLAIMER- no offense to any shorter men out there…im 5’8’’ and I love to wear a good pair of heels…putting me in the ring standing at a good 6 foot….i like my men like I like my heels….Tall, durable, reliable, classy, expensive, and can stay on all night…if ya know what I mean.
20. “THE OUT OF TOWNER”
“oh your only in town once every quarter…..PERRRRRRRRRRRFECT!” this man loves to let loose every time he comes to town and puts it all on the company card. “Why yes ill have the 20 oz ribeye”….he will take you on the nicest dates ever. Keep this guy in the friend zone! When the company conference is in Vegas…yup you bet your ass me and my girlfriends will be there! This is a lifetime friend you need to keep. No commitment needed and always great for an amazing get away. In the case you do want this relationship to work. Have no fear…look at what happened to Richard gear and Julia Roberts in pretty woman.
Ok so I might add you will not have to date this many separate men…you can have custom fusions as well…you know like…”the athlete who is a car guy and a gym rat”…its possible ladies
So there you have it…this is what you have to look forward to ….welcome to the dating game!
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