if you're gonna get hammered with your kids, at least do so responsibly!

4 years ago

drink responsibly

One time, I got so drunk that I missed my own party: true story. It was senior year and I was living with a friend because my mom had bought a place outside of my school district. We decided to have a party at her house and I was in charge of fliers. I don't remember my method of distribution, but I was pretty sure I had invited the entire school.

The night of the big hoorah, we had convinced ourselves that we were losers and no one was coming. Someone suggested that we play a quick game of quarters to kill time, which I would later learn was a huge mistake. All I remember is waking up to my friends' mother screaming "Get up! You guys are hosting this party and you need to get your asses downstairs and be good hosts!" I, of course, remained in a coma for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. I stretched my arms out wide and realized what had happened. "Shit!" I sighed, "I missed the whole thing!" I flew down the stairs as fast as I could, but was stopped dead in my tracks by a wafting bouquet of cigars, cigarettes, stale beer and perhaps a little bit of dried vomit. I looked around the room and noticed that one of the legs on the couch was missing. An immense amount of beer had been spilled from one end of the room to the other and her moms wooden table was riddled with water marks and tiny indents from quarters being slammed against it. As I was walking away, I noticed that some asshole had put a cigar out in the only dry inch of the carpet that was left in the room. I wanted to die... and I am fairly certain that her mother wanted to kill me.

I was eighteen then, just a kid... clueless, unappreciative and completely irresponsible. It took a few of those regretful decisions to realize that, if you're going to get completely hammered, do it responsibly. I'm 46 now and my priorities have shifted from late night dancing on a barstool to finger-painting and tea parties with Barbie. I don't drink much anymore–my age won't let me. A night on the town for me in today's market usually equates to a decent size migraine and at least 2 days in recovery; but if I plan to get shit-faced with the hubs... we usually leave her with Grandma for the night.

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