You can't regret... What you don't remember!
One time, I got so drunk waiting on a friend that I passed out, face down, on a table in a crowded restaurant. By the time she got there, the security guards were leaning over to help me out of my chair. "No... Please don't call the police," I heard my friend say as they mumbled something about public intoxication. I remember one of them reaching down to pick up my purse, which totally freaked me out because I didn't want them to steal my last $20. So I wrestled my way out of their tight grip and dropped to the ground to collect my things. Then they were all "Ma'am, you really need to get your friend out of here or we're going to have to call the cops," which really annoyed me because I wasn't doing anything wrong (anymore). But for the sake of an argument, I advised them that "I'm just grabbing my purse and then I'll be on my way!" and then stood up–just like a lady. Then again, I was shit-faced, so it probably didn't happen that way at all.
I don't remember them carrying me out of the bar and throwing me in the front seat of my friend's new car, and I most certainly DO NOT remember anything beyond that; but when I woke up the next morning and realized my contacts were still glued to my eyes, I began to experience what some might call drinker's remorse. "Lisa!" my mother shouted from the downstairs living room, "You need to call your friend, Colleen... She is pissed!" I scratched my head and walked over to my bedroom window, "Shit!" I thought, "Someone stole my car!"
So it turns out that my car wasn't stolen, but it was still sitting in the parking lot of a redneck bar where I almost got arrested. "Can you please take me to go get it?" I pleaded with my mother while picking what appeared to be vomit out of my hair. "You got yourself in this mess, you get yourself out!" She sneered, "And you'd better call Colleen–you threw up all over the front seat of her brand new car! What the hell is wrong with you anyway?"
Of all of my friends, Colleen is probably the most positive, easy-going and generous one that I have; and when I offered to pay for her car to be professionally cleaned, she of course, turned me down. "Don't worry about it... I've been up all morning cleaning it myself." *Knife twisting* "I amsoooo sorry," I began, "Please don't be mad, I promise nothing like that will never happen again."
"Well I should HOPE not!" she laughed, "Do you have any idea how much trouble you would have been in if I wouldn't have shown up? Did you know you almost got arrested? I had to beg them to let you come home with me. What the hell would you have done if I wouldn't have shown up?" *Sigh* "Time?" ...Was all I could think.
"I know, I know..." I cried, "And you're 1,000% right. Thank you for taking care of me last night. And by the way, how did I get up in my room last night anyway?" *Sighs* "Seriously?!" she screamed, "I had to carry your sorry ass all the way from my car and all the way up those stupid stairs; and believe me, that was NO easy task!"
And in that moment, I realized what a truly great friend I had found, despite the fact that none of this ever would have happened had she not been two hours late in the first place! But no matter... She's still one of my very best friend's in this world; and if I ever needed someone to carry me again, she'll be the first person I call.
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