5 years ago

I’ve been thinking about how all of this, turmoil, may be interconnected and, wondering what Mother Earth, or Nature or God might have to say about it:


If we are to survive, we must eradicate Persecution.


Persecution.  Defined as the systematic mistreatment of an individual or group by another group, according to our highly trustworthy, online global encyclopedia.


It is the new old plague.  And it’s the deadliest of them all.


Forget diseases like AIDS or SARS or the bird flu.  And really, that hard to kill infection that’s showing up in our hospitals is nothing compared to this.  Forget about Cancer.  Persecution is deadlier.  It’s been with us since the dawn of humanity, attacking the weak and fearful, deluding them into thinking they have power – then spreading to their victimized.   Perhaps all we need to understand, if we didn’t already, that Persecution has now taken on a mind of it’s own, a single-minded one at that; one bent on destroying. 


It doesn’t care what side you’re on.


Let’s not start another Earth-righteous diatribe about history and genocide and how our forefathers have wiped most of our First Nation Peoples off the map.  


Don’t even get me started on how you’re still fighting between and among your brothers and sisters – the colorful and colorless.


Is offering up another theocratic philosophy or bible verse to debate helping?   Will we continue to buy into the idea that letting gay people get married will cause some kind of apocalyptic disruption in procreation (“Reform?” WTF were we thinking? Seriously.)  But at the same time, placating our homosexual population by agreeing that any form of retaliation is a viable means of rebellion is NOT AN OPTION. 


Are there people out there who are still ignoring the fact that the Internet has metastasized Persecution to the point where we’re about to lose OUR ONLY HOME – and our innocent SONS & DAUGHTERS that live upon it??  Really?


You already know all this.  You feel it in your gut.


Is it really responsible of us to be thinking we should simply search for other planets before we get this under control?


How would you like to be “grounded” for another couple millennia, My child?


Dear God (if that’s really your name), why do you keep pushing?   Isn’t it obvious I don’t want to talk about it?  What could possibly change people’s minds about me at this point?  I stand up for myself everyday, and still believe that the choices I made were the right ones for the right time.

When your life is rendered powerless, you still have your mind.  Right? 


Perhaps Persecution was already so deeply sown into the fabric of American society during the late 1960’s, that she may never even have a chance of reaching her full potential.  Born out of wedlock, to a gay man and a beautiful woman; the girl was just as beautiful and endearing to others, however, possessing a willful attitude and more than average intelligence, she was not easily controlled.  Even as a young child.  By the time she was 18, others’ attempts to control her still had not succeeded.  (Please, let us not ignore that molestation and rape as means of control has been occurring on this Earth also since the dawn of humanity, and was still happening in this Brave New World we call America – just not as overtly.)  Anyway, this girl child had been enduring this type of controlling behavior over and over by men (and women) that were bigger and stronger than her, throughout her childhood.  But she survived and sought help.  And waited.


Everyday I feel the Universe, the good and the bad.  And for some reason, it has me horribly mistaken for someone else.  Why is that?

I’ve forgiven them all.  The men.  But they haven’t forgiven me, is that it?  Are there groups of men that are determined to make sure my truth never gets out?  That I was involved with a man (Bob) 20 years ago?  That I discovered gay porn on his computer, which, in an instant, helped me understand why he could never “love” me?  That he was the one that introduced me to the Improve theatre, to Second Life?  That he systematically and deliberately “groomed” me to feel worthless?  And then, ultimately, arranging a “date” in which he drugged and had sex with me while I was ovulating?  Yes, I got pregnant.  Yes, I had an abortion and didn’t tell him.  WHY SHOULD I?  Was it all in my head?  I was clinging to that possibility for many years.  But not anymore.  Not after what I’m seeing in this community.  The landscape has shifted.

To be free to make her own decisions, free to make her own way in life, free to be happy – because after all, happiness is a choice.  Why is this so impossible?  Especially here in America?  Being herself, being open – was a way to be happy.  Being kind to others and forgiving was another.  She tried hard to embody the Grace and Fortitude that she’d learned from her female heroes on Television.  Her life journey was filled with hope and progress, she sought out her dreams, she treated her body as a temple, infused with a balancing cheeseburger and a lovely cabernet every so often; she loved being in love; she loved and protected her children; she sought answers to life’s mystical questions.


And then, not five years later, I met and married another one of those men (P).  Quite ambiguous sexually, which was okay with me.  I was too.  But after I confessed my secret fantasies, why couldn’t he confess his?  He warned me.  That marriages usually hit a downcurve after five years.  And I’ll be damned if the switch didn’t hit the timing perfectly.  There were so many other warnings too.  The late night "drive bys" with love songs blasting past our house, always losing his phones, the other addresses showing up on his credit report.  Oh, not putting me on a mortgage - that was a big one.  Plus, all of our major purchases were in his name.  So many things go distract me, but never getting the thing that I really wanted…needed.  His love.  “You brought this on yourself.”  He said when I left.  What did I bring on?  Men in black following me everywhere I went?  A swarming Jeep army trying to “save” me – really?  Trying to trap me, more like.  And what about that contract he mentioned.  “If there’s no contract, then you answer to no one, right?”  Well…right.  I guess.  But what did that mean?  And was it all in my head?


But to others, her journey to freedom was a threat, it was a Power to which they felt powerless.  Especially to those infected with Persecution.


Am I destroying lives, or are they destroying me?  I test negative for every STD every time I go to the doctor.  Is THAT a conspiracy?

I have two wonderful children that have been raised mostly by other people because of these relationships.  After finding out I was 6 weeks pregnant.  I could only sit in my basement for three straight days.  I told my son’s father to keep him in California.  I lost my jobs, a part in a play.  All for what?  Because I didn’t respond with Joy and Happiness at having been tricked into another pregnancy?  That I didn’t have the means nor resources to care for another baby? (read: Health Insurance)  What did he want me to do, come begging him for help?

Yes.  That’s exactly what he wanted.  That’s what they want.  I’m not sure if they’re exactly women haters, or followers of the Gorean lifestyle.  Or maybe they’re members of the Gay Blade or Knights of Leather, or Hell, maybe they’re in league with the Taliban.  But the bottom line is, they want to put women in their place, so they can hold onto their patriarchical place in society.  (P’s 50’s style kitchen when I met him should have been a HUGE sign:  Mysoginist AND Gay - and I say that in the most loving way, my fellow queers).

Well guess what?  No more excuses.  We’re onto you, both women and men, gay and straight - and we’re fighting back.  I don’t care what societal group you’ve planted yourself in – the postal service, or the maintenance men of America, or Academia or the Church.  You could be poisoning the minds of our military, or maybe you’re serving food at the local restaurant.  Be warned.   We’re developing ways to identify who you are every day. 

As for me, if I ever come across any of you ever again, I will have only one word for you, (in the only language you seem to understand): 


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