I have a beautiful floral skirt. It has many folds of light-weight fabric that swish when I walk and is very feminine. I was wearing it today when I used the restroom after school and then rushed off to help Kendall put on her makeup for the musical (encore performance).
I walked against the flow of student traffic heading to the buses and then into the commons, where I stopped for a few minutes and talked with a parent before turning and heading into the auditorium.
The auditorium was filled with the chatter of excited middle schoolers, who were waiting for the director to give them their pre-show pep-talk. I found Kendall down in the front and started to ask where she wanted to go to put the makeup on when a little girl rushed up to her and whispered in her ear. It was clear that she was talking about me, and I looked down at my front and patted everything to make sure I looked alright. Kendall then turned to me and quietly said, "Mom. Your skirt is tucked in your underwear."
What?! O M G!!
I must interject here to tell you that I do not like thong underwear. That said, I do have a couple of pairs that I only wear when desperate. Today. Was. Laundry. Day.
Holding my breath, I reached back and placed my hand on a totally BARE BUTT CHEEK!!!
As is my way, I began to laugh, hard. I laughed til Kendall and all of her friends were laughing (and looking a little uncomfortable). I laughed until I cried and Kendall asked, "Mom, are you okay?? Do you need a hug?!" (and gave me one).
I settled down a bit as I turned to scan the faces in the crowd (only about 50 kids or so), trying to catch anyone who might be staring at me, wide-eyed. (They either hadn't noticed or were really polite.) One of the girls nearby said, "I was walking behind you in the commons, and I didn't think it looked that bad."
I was kind of in shock, but I wanted to ask, "You mean my butt? Or my messed up skirt?!" (I was trying to minimize embarrassment to Kendall, so I dropped it.)
I seriously have a headache right now from telling this story to people at school, and laughing, and crying. (This was just the kind of levity needed this time of year, so I spread the story like mad before anyone else could.) I'm pretty sure I'll be hearing it again (at my retirement party), and that's okay with me, because it could have been worse...
I could have walked into my classroom like that.
[originally posted June 6, 2008 at Half-Past Kissin' Time]
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