*I normally don't use disclaimers, but here's a disclaimer that I'm going to add a disclaimer to this post.
**DISCLAIMER: I don't hate introverts. I love them. I happen to be married to one of the most introverted people I've ever met. However, more than I love my introvert husband, I love being dramatic about unimportant topics. Also, I love Someecards. Ergo....
I've seen a lot of articles floating around lately about introverts. (Like these: 23 reasons you're secretly an introvert | 31 unmistakable signs you're an introvert | I even found this: 22 signs your dog is an introvert). Your dog.
You clicked on that link, didn't you?
(Tangent alert -->) Did you know that 60% of women would rather save an animal from a speeding bus than a foreign tourist? I learned that from random radio trivia last week. Thank you, KMGL.
It seems to me like, for being introverted and apparently violently opposed to talking to other people, introverts are very vocal about how misunderstood they are. You'd think they would just be quiet about it. Not so.
If you Google "Signs You're an Extrovert," you will find this article: Top 8 Signs You're an Extroverted Exerciser and this one: 25 Frustrating Things about Being an Extrovert. That's it. After that you will find a list of articles about introverts.
If, however, you Google, "Signs You're an Introvert," there's like a billion articles.
NO LOVE, people. No love.
So yeah. Introverts. They're kind of annoying, right? I mean come on already! Either decide you want to talk to people or be quiet, but don't TALK about how you don't like to talk to people. Good grief.
Extroverts don't get no love. Hello! WE'RE THE FUN ONES! We are the spice of life that artistic introverts write about and draw pictures of. If there were no extroverts in the world, there would be no awkwardness or People of Walmart. (Because I am convinced that only an extrovert could rock back fat and a leopard-print thong.) You're picturing it, aren't you? You're welcome.
Let me just tell you that being an extrovert is no joke. You introverts think you're misunderstood? No, sir. When you're a self-proclaimed extrovert, people expect you to appear at social functions and make everyone laugh.
Introverts can use the whole "I just don't feel like seeing anyone today" line, and everyone nods sympathetically in agreement. Extroverts can't say that, or people will think we've been body snatched.
"What's this you say about wanting to be alone? Me no understand. See you at 7."
Jordan's so used to me talking his ear off that on the occasional day when I just don't feel like talking, he's all, "What wrong?" every five minutes.
So I say, "Nothing was wrong until you started asking me all these questions. But now I'm annoyed." Then we have a marital dispute, and one of us (him) threatens to "never ask me another question again ever." Dramatic much?
Introverts are also called "wise" and "smart" because they think before they speak. You know what happens to me? I blurt out every single thought that flits through my brain, and then I sound like an idiot half the time, and everyone laughs at me.
Also, apparently introverts don't like small talk. I want to know who does like small talk? Seriously. You think I like talking about how windy Oklahoma is to everyone I meet? No I do not. I personally think we should all band together and boycott talking about the weather ever again. Like, ever.
I could go on, but I think you see my point.
Extroverts aren't the only misunderstood ones. And introverts need to stop talking so much.
Now leave me alone. I'm tired.
*No introverts were harmed during the writing of this post.
**If you are offended by anything in this post, blame Jordan, because he read this before it was published and said it was funny.
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