Whiny ass parents today! That is how my 81 year old mother sees it!
Her exact words!
“Parents today can’t take any criticism,even constructive criticism. In my day I listened to all the parenting advice and then did what I wanted. Parents today are so touchy and you can’t say anything without it offending them or hurting their feelings or attacking them or judging them. Goodness, they are so whiny and touchy. These parents today need to Get over it. They need to just get on with their parenting and stop worrying about what so and so is saying. Gosh, I was so busy being a parent I didn’t have the time to worry about what everyone thought. Oh, and once in a while, I actually learned something from a so-called judgement,geesh, touchy,touchy these young parents today.”
(Now, remember, my mom is 81 so she thinks 40 is young LOL)
Like I said, my mother is 81 years old. She was born in 1931. Right after the stock market crash. Therefore, she was a baby during the worst of it,so yes, she lived through poverty. She will tell you that she wasn’t as poor as some but not as middle class as others. I would say today, we would label her ‘lower middle class’. My father, on the other hand, was dirt poor. He talks about going days without food. My father went the Marine route and then built a comfortable life through construction. Maybe, tougher life makes you less whiny? LOL
I was lucky! I lived a charmed life. Born in 1965,my teenage years were the 80′s, I was the preppy girl and spoiled rotten. But, I was brought up under the life of spankings and groundings. Please note, spankings were rare and I mean rare. I think I can count on one hand my spankings. They were never done in anger. I was brought to the basement leaned over my father’s knee and given one to three swats. Yes, I know you will berate it. I am 46, I adore my parents, Good Luck telling me why I should hate them. You know, The Parents who gave me the world! In 46 years I had more love and maybe 5 spankings! Oh, and I had less groundings, 2 I can really remember. That is another post! Another thing, teachers and adults were to be respected when I was growing up. A note from a teacher and I was in trouble. My aunt,uncle or neighbor lady yelled at me and I was to listen. Period. The adult was trusted! My parents cheered me on but I was never told I had to get all A’s, I just knew to do ‘my best’. If I got a B or C it was not the end of the world and I didn’t have a learning disability or was a meeting with the teacher called for. I never got a trophy for everything I did. My entire life wasn’t a schedule. I took ballet and played some sports but I had a lot of down time too. Oh, and we didn’t have snacks at half time and or at the end of the game. We didn’t have ice cream socials and Pizza Parties at every turn. Valentines Day at school was simple. We passed out our store bought cards, had a cookie or a cupcake with a glass of punch. It took 30 minutes. School was about education. Not parties and movies. Field trips were very special and educational. It was not to the local water park with 10 parents chaperoning. But, we had father/daughter dances and dinner every single night as a family. Sunday was church day and many times we did a Sunday drive, got ice cream for a treat and had Family time! Not all day soccer tournaments!
I raised my children under my parents model for the most part! I limited their outside activities and I insisted on downtime. But it seems that my generation, the one that was given all this love and support and cheering didn’t like any of the disciplining. Listen, I happen to know many were raised, kind of, sort of, like me. Of course, no one has the exact same childhood. I gather some would say they had it rougher or easier but societies have a way of conforming during time periods that is the reason for stereotypes and the defining of time periods.
It seems while raising my kids things has changed! It has been all about ‘kid power’. Activities revolve around the kids. No more family dinner and Family Time! Teachers, Uncles and Neighbors cannot say ‘boo’ to someone’s child. Children are given awards for ‘showing’ up to play. If your child does not get all A’s they have a learning disability. Disciplining? There really is no disciplining. I love watching parents reason with a two year old. So funny! I know you all have geniuses but get a grip. Oh, I am not saying you should smack them either but stop the reasoning you look like morons. I watched a mother try to discuss with her 18 month old why he needed to stop biting! I laughed my ass off. Sometimes, no is no! Oh, I am tired of hearing, “Best intentions” Parents your best intentions are ruining your kids. Think long term! For example, my husband has to deal with these grown ‘kids’. They had to let an employee go. The employee was too immature. Couldn’t get beyond wanting constant praise. The employee would blurt out things in front of clients because mom and dad encouraged them to always say whatever they wanted.The kids from ‘kid power’ are growing up! Teachers were not allowed to prepare them for the outside world! Parents spoiled and sheltered them! Therefore, BOOM! These so called ‘kids’ are now adults and they are stunned with reality. Some are trying to use what worked in school, I have ADD, or ADHD or I am a visual learner! What my husband is suppose to give instructions on a whiteboard? Who is going to pay for that time and effort? Not a client!
In the end, it begins in the beginning. If you can’t let go when they are toddlers you won’t let go when they are in grade school and so on. Therefore, ask yourself why you are doing things. Really doing things! I once had a pre-school teacher tell me to stop putting my son’s coat on and zipping it up. She informed me she couldn’t do that for all 20 children and it was time he learned. My goodness, I was stunned and she didn’t sugarcoat it. She was direct with me. I was an adult. I didn’t even realize I was “babying him.” Her exact words. They cut like a knife! He couldn’t put on his coat and zip it. He was three years old. Yikes. I sucked as a mom, or I felt like it when she told me. It hurts to be ‘judged’! But the coat thing? It was easier for me and him if I did it. In the end,I am glad she told me. Therefore, If you are breastfeeding your child at three, Why? Is it really nutritional? Or easier, or hard to let go! I am just asking? If your child is still in diapers at three is it really because they are not ready, you know that genius you have? I love it when a parent is going on and on about their three year old reading, talking and how bright they are but they can’t ‘get the potty’! I secretly laugh my ass off! I tend to think the diaper is easier for all concerned. Oh and yes, I am judging but not out loud. Today I know better,nope, I don’t say a word to a parent with a kid! But, I was glad the pre-school teacher spoke up. I was hindering my son. At three he was perfectly capable of putting his coat on. A little slower? Yes! But ready and capable! I am glad that young pre-school teacher took a chance and brazenly spoke up!
In the end, as a parent you will always need to decipher Judgement or Constructive criticism? You make the call but as my 81 mother says, “Stop whining about people commenting on your choices about parenting, just parent and then live with your ‘product’. If your child flies in the end, good for you and if they don’t well own that too.”
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