There are a lot of cliches and sayings floating around about life and relationships, how to deal with them, how to get out of them, and how to view them. Here are a few I'd like to punch in the face:
1.) Time heals all wounds: Time only heals physical wounds like when someone stabs you in the leg with an ice pick. That will heal. But it will still be an ugly scar. Emotional wounds are worse and that's what this stupid ass saying refers to. Emotional wounds do not heal over time. They get worse.The thing with emotional wounds is that they lay dormant and are not evident on the outside until someone comes along and brings up a subject that makes you react like a rabid dog. Sometimes I think I'd rather be stabbed with an ice pick.
Want to talk about the past or be stabbed with this ice pick? I'll take the ice pick.
2.) Forgive and Forget: Shut up. You can pretend to forgive people and even say it out loud. But deep down there is a grudge in your heart somewhere. Forgiveness really depends on the offense so to Forgive and Forget is not universal. Forgiveness is a case by case concept. Forgiving someone for like, calling you a name, okay, forgiven. Forgotten? Nope. Forgiving someone for cheating on you? Okay, whatever. I'll always have a distaste for you and probably not much respect but I'll cope. There are some things in life that are forgiveness deal breakers. All bets are off if you cross the line into the unforgivable. Forgiving people is a personal decision and sometimes so much time has gone by that you think #1 (Time has healed all wounds) has occurred and you realize that #2 (Forgive and Forget) is possible. But it's not.
3.) Love is unconditional: Love is super duper conditional. Since we teach people how to treat us by either accepting or not accepting their dumb ass behavior that essentially puts conditions on every relationship.So there. Love is not unconditional. Love has all kinds of conditions and precepts and rules. Dogs don't even love you unconditionally. In fact, you should not love someone unconditionally or they will take advantage of you and you will never have any boundaries. It's stupid. That's why only Jesus can do it.
Besides, everyone has to decide what constitutes a relationship deal breaker. You set the conditions of a relationship and when those conditions aren't met or are broken, you have to decide when to get out. It is the threshold of how much bullshit you'll take from another person before you start your next sentence to them with, "You Know What?"
The, "You Know What?" sentence starter is a precursor to the big, bad truth. It's a precursor to a fight. It's a precursor to the end. Many times, it is the end.
I find as I get older that my tolerance for bullshit from other people is minimal. I think when I was younger I wanted people to like me so I overlooked their stupid shit. But, not anymore. I still want people to like me but not bad enough to compromise who I am. There are certain things I expect in a relationship and when those expectations aren't met or reciprocated, I leave. There are a lot of people out there and I'm sure I'll find one cooler than you soon. I guess this makes me a high maintenance friend or daughter or sister or whatever.But you suck and I'm about to move on.
I also dated a lot of irresponsible and intoxicated people in my 20s and perhaps they made me realize that I'd rather be all alone than with a bunch of mean, drunken assholes. I've seen friends stay in relationships because they don't know what else to do. They don't know how to leave. They don't have enough money or pride or self-esteem or whatever the case may be. At some point I decided I'd rather live in a cardboard box than put up with a bunch of crap from some macho dude who thinks I can't live without him. Guess what? I can.. So, I found it necessary to start a lot of sentences in my 20s with, "You Know What...? And that was the end of that.
Cutting people out of your life because they are not meeting your relationship expectations is hard to do. You must decide how much bullshit you'll put up with from them before it's time to cut your losses and move on. Trying to be every ones friend is really exhausting. And impossible. It's just like unconditional love. There are just some people you're not going to like, who don't add value or happiness to your life, and otherwise drain you from your sanity.
Sometimes these people are your family members. Is it okay to cut out members of your family? I mean family is forever. Just kidding. No it's not.
What is the threshold for you to stop participating in a relationship, any relationship? Some people stay in relationships out of habit or fear. Some stay because the other person has told them they could never make it on their own without them blah blah. But, there is a breaking point for people.There is a point when that friend, spouse, boyfriend, or family member has got to go. There is a point when you stop being afraid to be alone. There is a point when you just don't care if people hate you. There is a point when it's just not worth it anymore.
And no one can tell you when that point is. Is it when that person hits you? Ridicules you? Cheats on you? Humiliates you? Disappoints you?
You have to decide. Is it worth your self-esteem, dignity, and pride to continue in the relationship? Only you know.
I got into a disagreement with a person recently and towards the end of the exasperating conversation this person whipped out the, "Well, I guess I'll just leave you alone then" line. This is a line of master manipulation. It is highly effective though because the person on the receiving end of this comment must for a split second think about his/her life without that other person in it. And oftentimes the fear or even thought of losing that person outweighs the bullshit and drama the relationship brings.
But, I've heard this line from this person before. I'm used to it. However, the thought of not having this person in my life anymore made me sad. Sad enough to hang on. Sad enough to be afraid. Sad enough to care.
But today I reached that threshold. And when I heard, "Well, I guess I'll just leave you alone then," I thought, Ok. Good. Leave me alone. Do it. If you're going to lead me down this path every time we speak, it isn't worth it to me anymore. That relationship has ceased to be important to me. Finally.
And, I started my sentence with, "You Know What...."
I'm not angry;I'm passionate
More from living