What You're Missing at South by Southwest (SXSW)

5 years ago

Last year I went to South by Southwest (SXSW), a huge music festival in Austin.  It’s grown to include a technology conference, film festival, and basically anything that can be prefaced with SXSW and attract hipsters: SXSWedu, SXSW Eco, SXSW Elderberry Liquor Tasting, and SXSW Big Lebowski Clothing Expo.  Official disclaimer: I made up the last two.

I stayed with my friend who knows the city inside and out, and she claimed we did not need to buy expensive tickets to enjoy the music and atmosphere.  She was totally right.  Sponsored parties were EVERYWHERE, drinks were free, and the music was incredible.  If you simply sold your soul and email address to Dickies (the company that makes work pants that simultaneously appeal to my dad and 21 year old college kids), the company fed you cold street tacos and syrupy Mikes Hard Lemonade until you got sugar sick and almost threw up.  FOR FREE!  Rock on!

We had a blast, and I’m not kidding about that.

The free bands were awesome, and we could come and go as we pleased.  One particular girl group took it all the way, jumping on people, disregarding undergarments as to not restrain natural, God-given lady humps, and foregoing deodorant to keep it really real.  These were not the kind of gals to be fettered by contrived, conventional hygiene standards.

sweet costume from SXSW

This chick went at it like a honey badger.

In fact, Spanx should definitely NOT sponsor SXSW.  Austin actually has a ban on elastic undergarments for women.  However, the city does issue compression bike shorts to every man over 40.  We can thank Lance Armstrong for that.

These are all made for men.

So that’s the kind of entertainment you’re missing by not being at SXSW this week.

This is not from Austin, but it was too good to pass up:

The line between biker shorts and porn is very fine.

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