When I was a kid my mother bought 20 fun cards, wrote my name on each one and stuck them in envelopes.
My part was to take them to school and give one to each kid. Period, end of story.
Today the holiday of love has turned into a competition of sorts. You had better get your plan in place.
First you have to make a valentine box. This is a shoe box or a cereal box that your child will use to collect all of his friends’ valentines. Don’t even think of sending in a plain box though.
You must use wrapping paper, stickers, construction paper, puff paint, tiny pom poms, crayons, glue, scissors, a wire coat hanger and a pair of panty hose.
Those last two I learned from watching MacGyver.
It will take at least three trips to the craft store before you have everything that you need. You must make a container that is colorful and interesting and sure to wow the crowds.
It is always smart to have a theme, such a favorite animal, robot, mailbox, bug or even an alien. The more authentic the better. Say, if your box is a leopard, get online and see if you can locate some authentic leopard hair. You will never regret the purchase.
Keep in the back of your mind that your kid will get out of YOUR car carrying this box. You want every one staring at the box, for all the right reasons.
Even though you will do the work yourself, (have you seen the sloppy work a six-year-old is satisfied with) just remember to give all the credit to your little creative genius.
Next you must MAKE valentines. That’s right, I said make them. DO NOT find yourself in the holiday section at Target looking through the various Spiderman and Barbie valentines. Those are for amateurs.
You need to make cards complete with eye pleasing pictures and witty sayings. The larger the card and the more stuff you can glue or stick on them the better. Try attaching something to the card like a pencil, eraser or a sucker because kids love that stuff.
This is the part that will actually go home to all the other mothers and you better believe they are going to inspect that card from top to bottom.
Now it is time to bring in your sweetie.
Please write this down so you do not forget. You must NEVER write your child’s name on the card. All of the other mothers will think he is an idiot. I don’t care if your child is two and in preschool you put that pencil in his hand and lovingly guide him.
With older kids and especially boys, this could be a challenge because most do not want to sit and write their names over and over. Best case you planned for this day when you named your child. No one wants to write BARTHOLOMEW 20 times and writing Bart looks like a desperate attempt to get it over with.
You sit there with your love and threaten or bribe, whatever it takes to get this completed. And please work on letter placement and sizing before you actually put a pencil on that card. No one wants the last three letters of the name going uphill.
Last but not least you must prepare a holiday treat to send in to the class. Always check with the room mom first because you do NOT want to step on those toes. Insist that it is no trouble because your love for baking has left you with dozens of red-velvet, heart-shaped, cream cheese-filled cookies, just sitting around going to waste.
Be sure and place the baked goods into a holiday appropriate container and walk them into the school yourself. You need to make sure everyone sees you. Draw attention to yourself if necessary by calling names, smiling and waving.
For those out of ear shot, be sure to mouth words like “hot, fresh cookies” and shrug your shoulders as if to say, “a mother’s work is never done.” Your friends will be so envious.
I hope these tips are helpful. Especially for the new moms.
Now let me tell you how I roll.
I have four kids. This year I bought three boxes of Star Wars cards and one box of butterflies and lady bugs.
My kids are going to write their names on them. I don’t care if it looks like a hoofed farm animal did the work.
Then I am going to stick them in their backpacks along with the 3 metal Star Wars mailboxes and one red heart-shaped box that I bought at Hobby Lobby.
They are going to hand out their store-bought cards and receive their Valentine goodies in their store-bought receptacles.
Because ain’t nobody got time for all that nonsense.
Bravo to the creative parents of the world. I applaud you.
To the rest of us, here’s to getting by! We did it again!
Happy love day!
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