The Things My Husband Just Doesn't Understand

5 years ago

It all started with my bra. Now my bras are not particularly large. They are not made of satin, or silk, or lace. They do however contain underwire to restrict my post-baby breasts to the chest area, and up away from my tummy, as they should be. But as I went through the back breaking process of removing my bra’s from the washer and hanging them on the rack to dry the other day, it dawned on me. This is something that my husband just doesn’t get. Ask most women and they will tell you that you have to hang a bra to dry or you take the chance that it will get tangled, ripped or otherwise damaged if run through the dryer. If you asked my husband (or any man for that matter) why I’m hanging my bras he would probably say “Because women’s clothes are stupid.” In that respect, he would be right, but explaining the why of this would be pointless since as soon as the word “bra” comes out of my mouth his eyes glaze over and he starts running through the theme song from “Suits” in his head.

This got me thinking about the other things my husband just doesn’t get so I thought I would make a list.

The top 10 things my husband just doesn’t understand:

10.My need to suck in my stomach when he sees me naked.
9. That going shopping with my friends is a social activity.
8. Why I get angry when he asks for the one thing I forgot at the grocery store.
7. That chocolate is one of the six food groups and therefore essential for my (and his) survival.
6. Shirts don’t stink, people stink. Take a bath.
5. Why I get so irritated when he leaves his dirty socks on the couch, floor, bed, nightstand, stairs, counter, or a foot away from the laundry basket.
4. Starting the dishwasher is an essential part of the dish-washing process.
3. Why I get pissed off when he complains about how he's too skinny.
2. If I ask him if he likes an outfit, hair-do, wall color or any sort of decorative item for the house, the appropriate response is always “Yes.”

And the number one thing my husband simply doesn’t understand...

1. How I always forget to eat lunch and still gain weight.
(Oh, wait. That was me. Crap!)

So now that this is officially a bitch session, I want to hear from you. What are some of the things your man just doesn't understand?

FYI: Man-ripping and dirty secrets are always welcome.

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