There's An Owl In My Brain

3 years ago

 

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I’ve reserved the weekends for my own prompts.

This week I attended a NaNoWriMo Halloween kickoff party in Port Gamble, WA. Port Gamble is located down a long, dark road (the kind aliens abduct people on) from nowhere, and has “The Most Haunted House in Western Washington” located right across the street from where we were.  The whole town can be a little weird sometimes, so Halloween just makes it feel all the more otherworldly.

The party itself was in the bowels of a newly opened, used book store.  Said store is a small house built around two hundred years ago, and I have to say, it was a touch surreal. The owner of the store had vinyl records from the 40’s playing (Could have been 30’s, I have no idea) and fake little wood stoves that blew warm air out underneath. There was a woman dressed as Wonder Woman, and everyone else resembled something out of a Victorian era Harry Potter-esque scene.  The thing about all that is, is felt customary.  What one needs to understand about some of the more remote corners of Washington is, we're all here because we're not all there.... think about it; it'll come to you.

I had brought the Daughterling with me because she was feeling anti-social and slightly hormonal, so we found a quiet little corner in a far, creepy corner of the house, and I wrote while she sampled the books. We left sometime around 11:00 pm, and as we were looping around the compound (Port Gamble isn’t very big.) we saw something flapping in the grass alongside the road. I stopped to take a closer look and we realized it was an owl, so naturally I got out of the Jeep and walked towards it. It would flap about and then stop to turn its head completely backwards to look at me. This went on for some time before it flew silently into a tree. We sat there and watched it; neither of us really wanting to go home yet, simply feeling the need to linger and absorb the moment.  I tried taking a few pics while it was on the ground with the iPhone since we could see it clear as day; with and without a flash, and this is what I got... time after time, regardless if I used the flash or not.  I tried the phone after we got home and it worked fine, and of the 10-some pics I tried to take of the owl, my phone only has 3; each a variation of the below.  The town is weird, yo.

Owl with flash

Anyway, the point;  For those who aren’t aware, there are several Native American lines that run in my family, and the owl is a symbolic creature. It is a protector, and represents intuitive wisdom; telling you to pay attention to people and the life around you. Listen to your gut feelings, basically. Sometimes it can be a warning; things or people are not as they seem.  Maybe you're looking in the wrong area for opportunity.

Rewind to earlier in the day; we had received news that my husbands new job had fallen through ... once again. However, even before he called to tell me, I had a feeling .... like this job wasn’t going to work out; it didn’t have longevity. It wasn't the right opportunity.  After he told me we were up Poo Creek I tried to settle my heart, not panic. We needed that job... after all, he has already quit his current one.  As luck would have it Hubs called his former employer just as he was emailing out the contract for his replacement.  We got the job back, no hitches.

I’ve put it from my thoughts. I am thankful we still have a job, but as I've mentioned, it barely keeps a roof over our heads .. and I've already quit my job with the trolls.  I’m trying to see a different side of this devastating news. A part of me wants to believe it was for the best, because something better is just around the corner. But a part of me also believes that nothing good will ever transpire again. This seesaw of hope and devastation is starting to make me sick and crazy. I feel uncentered; untethered to this world. There is a need for something inside of me, like I need to escape and discover something new, something fresh and positive.

Friday I sat mired in fatigue and avoidance. I don’t want to talk to people, I don’t want to go anywhere, nor do I want to write for this stupid NaNo or NaBlo. ..... I understand that a part of me believes its just another dead-end pursuit that will lead me nowhere. More of my life wasted.

So here’s the question; what would you do? What have you done to turn around a hopeless situation? When faced with an immovable force of the unknown and chronic failure, how have you turned your life in one direction or another, and moved forward?

I’m open for hearing anything, seriously. I want to hear it; what is your story?

-Jane

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