When I was younger I always said I wanted to be a "fat, jolly grandmother." I guess I imagined a person who always baked cookies and had a lot of fun and hearty laughs with their grandkids. Of course, that was when I was 16, 105 pounds and had flowing Farrah Fawcett hair, which I was NEVER going to dye, by the way.
I turned 51 last week and since I didn't start having a family until I was in my mid-30's, I (hopefully) have quite a ways before I am a grandmother and there's still time to make that wish come true. The "fat" part is going to be super-easy, but the jolly part is going to take a lot of effort. I'm not naturally jovial.
I used to be pretty funny but now everything pisses me off and I'm mad all the time. You've probably heard that everyone should keep a Gratitude Journal so you can remember to be grateful for all the things you have in your life. I started one a few years ago, but after a couple of pages, it got really hard not to duplicate things. How many times can you write "cookies" without sounding redundant? Listing my favorite TV shows seemed really shallow.
It's not that I'm NOT grateful, I really am. But getting older - am I on the upside or the downside of 50 now? Is it all uphill from here, or all downhill? I can't remember. See, memory loss, confusion...it's all part of getting older and I think that's why I'm mad, among other reasons:
- Bad eyesight. Glasses are not a fun accessory if you NEED them.
- Aging skin products.
- Comfort over coolness - oh how I loved my leopard print high heels.
- When my daughter told me "You used to be so pretty!"
- Bodyshaper underwear.
- Aching joints.
- I can't lay on the floor to watch TV anymore.
- I can't get up off the floor without making a grunting noise.
- Extra weight refuses to leave even after getting an eviction notice.
- Bathing suits with tummy control and underwires.
- My toes seem too far away to bother painting.
- All my favorite activities involve some sort of sitting down.
- The adjustable bed looks like a really good idea.
- My mom isn't alive for me to yell at her about being a bad parenting role model.
- Most of today's music is just filthy garbage.
- There's no more dancing. Nobody my age goes dancing anymore. Maybe because the music is filthy garbage.
- Standing next to my beautiful daughter in front of the mirror instantly adds 10 years to my face.
- Realizing retirement is a lot closer than I ever imagined and this is no time to be figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.
- No one ever asks me if I want to be a model.
- I never get anything to play with for Christmas.As a matter of fact, I kind of hate Christmas now. Kids only want money or expensive toys and I have to sweep up all the pine needles and put all the decorations away.
- I can't stay up past 10pm unless I have the next day off.
You probably didn't realize how much there is to be mad about. Don't live in denial! I think the "jolly" part finally comes after your kids are grown and have kids of their own. You are blessed with grandchildren that you can enjoy and give back, and laugh when your kids want to complain about how hard parenting is. I find strange comfort in that.
Intuitive, Reiki Master, Mentor
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