Yesterday I passed the third of the four exams. It was really hard, and I saw something that described it pretty well - "my brain has too many tabs open". I thought my brain was going to self-destruct and I would just catch myself sitting and looking at the questions on the practice quizzes and have no idea of what I had just read. I am so relieved and thankful that the test is done, and it makes no difference to me that I didn't make an excellent score. I passed it, and that is what counts. The glory goes to God because after the first hour and a half I think my brain shut down. All those who prayed for me get credit, too, and I am very thankful for their prayers.
Part of the difficulty I had was the timing of all of this. I kept waiting for the 1099s to come in from the different companies who paid into the bank account, and putting off working on the taxes. But Sunday the 9th I decided to get my rear in gear and finish, and check with the tax people on the Monday.
Well. One of the entries was for business travel. We only took one trip, and it was a deductible business trip. Because of his vision, we decided to drive up to Indiana for the compliance meeting so as not to have to deal with airports and security and so on. Afterwards, we were going to take a vacation since we had worked all year without a real break.
That was the trip on which he died. We almost made it home.
Adding up all those receipts brought it all back. I never want to do that again. So I cried all Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday.
Thursday, my brother told me that he didn't want me to drive back from Missouri by myself after driving my sister and her things up to his house, where she is moving. I was set to argue with him, when for the first time it occurred to me that I would be coming home the same way as last September. By myself. So I accepted his very generous offer of funds to cover the additional cost for me to fly home. Then I started crying again, and he got off the phone pretty quickly after that. He hates his sisters to cry. Plus, he was ready to argue and I didn't.
Several of the ladies in my Wednesday Life group prayed for me, and when I went to my Thursday ladies' group, I was the only one there for quite a while due to a major traffic thing on the freeway. The hostess' husband was home too, and that was unusual. I mean he was home as in not traveling, but he had taken the children swimming at the Y. So it was just me and one of the hostesses, and she took the time to listen and hear things I have not said to anyone else. She let me cry and get mad and mourn and it didn't make her uneasy or uncomfortable. She cried with me, too. Then she gave me food. Including chocolate. Thank God for women who can listen. And chocolate.
So that darn near solid week of crying may have made my brain cells soggy or something; I don't know. At any rate, I know the areas in which I will have to pay closer attention in the ongoing continuing education courses I will have to take every year, and I have to re-qualify with FINRA every three years so I need to go back and brush up in a couple of areas.
In the meantime, I took today off. I went to Best Buy and got them to put the screen protector on my Kindle. It was worth it to pay them to do it (I didn't want to mess it up). And I wanted to upgrade my computer so I could sell it to my sister with a more current operating system, but they recommended I not do it because HP had not tested my particular version or whatever they were looking at and it "may impair functionality". So my sister is VERY happy at the lesser price I quoted her for a complete system, I am happy that she will have access to email (as is our aunt) and it will be more than adequate for several years.
I also stained my new hall table. I may have missed a spot or nine, but I can always put another coat on it. The lighting is just so EVEN in the garage, ya know? Thank God the humidity is very low today. It'll dry faster.
I have given myself until the 8th of April to finish the last course. My mom and I are going to visit my cousin in Florida, and I made our reservations yesterday. And the reservations for the truck at U-Haul, and my flight back home from Missouri. I was working the credit cards, I tell ya! I had to wave 'em to cool them off! I haven't spent that much money in a short time since last year when I bought the dining table and the chair in my bedroom. But I have the money for the move, thanks to my brother, and my mom will certainly repay me for her ticket.
I'm also glad my cousin is here. He will look after the kittens while I am gone, and if Dad can't pick us up at the airport, he said he will take off work and come for us and then go back if he needs to.
Looking at all of these things, I can see where God has provided for my needs. Last night my Life Group had a balloon for me that said "Way To Go" on it. And the hostess sent out a reminder email on Tuesday for the meeting and included a mention of the exam and that I would appreciate prayers. It is encouraging, and comforting, to have others with whom to share doubts, and failures, and hopes and successes. And chocolate.
Appreciate your people. Not only those to whom you are related, but those whom God has put into your life to help you and love on you. As annoying as they can sometimes be, they are part of His plan, the one He has for you that is "for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jer 29:11, NLT)
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