Swiss cheese for brains & Bathroom etiquette

7 years ago

I have long maintained that I have Swiss cheese for brains. Some things stick, others float through the holes, lost forever. What sticks and what doesn't is often random and completely out of my control. For instance, I heard the trivia question the other day, "What was the name of the whale in the movie Pinnochio?" I knew the answer. Ask me where my keys are, and it's about a 70/30 chance I won't know. I cannot tell you how much of my life has been spent looking for keys. I promise it would be an embarrassing amount if I knew. And this extends to a lesser degree to any small thing I might have in my hand. I have come to the conclusion that there simply isn't a conscious thought process running through my head when I set something down. And trust me, it infuriates no one more than me, although it drove my ex pretty crazy, too. We made a spot for me to put my keys when I came in the door, didn't work. Tried all kinds of things. I'm still scatterbrained. The most memorable example is when I spent half an hour looking for them, up and missing my doctor's appointment, only to find I'd laid the lid for my puzzle on top of them.

So today it's a rainy day in Atlanta. Traffic is nasty, I have to work downtown, and I'm already running late. I get in the parking garage, unload all my stuff, and am almost ready to go in when I realize I don't have my phone. Did I leave it in the van? I dig my purse out of the bag I carry in it when I lug all my face painting stuff, get my keys and unlock the doors. I struggle back alongside my vehicle, which because it's a parking garage is too close to the neighboring vehicle for comfort. I dig through the front, no phone. I get my purse back out, dig through it, no phone. I reopen the back and finally see it where I had set it down while unloading. I put everything back in the bag, and realize I need to lock my doors. Well, I'm not digging my keys back out, so I shuffle alongside again and use the switch on the door. This happens ALL the time! God help me when I'm 60....

Btw, the whale's name is Monstro. I know it was bugging you..

If you'd rather not read about bodily functions, you should skip the rest of this entry. Ok, you had your warning :)

Now, the whole time I was in traffic and all through the above scene, I *really* needed to poop. Gas was rumbling around in a fairly painful way, and quite frankly I wasn't sure I was going to make it accident-free. You can see how much more frustrating that made the whole lost phone thing. I make it in through the rain with all my stuff to the employee bathroom. Of course, it's not empty, but not only that, it's someone I know. I definitely can't just sit down and let go. I'd never be able to look her in the face again. So, being a master of the silent fart (yes I claim that, it's an enviable skill, don't hate :p) and in too much pain to wait, I go ahead slowly. I hear her leave finally, and almost relax when I realize there's someone still in another stall. I wouldn't really care so much, since they haven't seen me, and it *is* the bathroom where you're supposed to do such things. But then I hear her on her cellphone!! Why I care more about the random person on the phone than the random person in the stall, I'm not sure. Except the person on the other end didn't ask to be in the bathroom, they had no choice. So I was careful the whole time even tho it hurt.... Am I the only one who thinks about it that much??

I think it's really gross to talk on the phone while you go to the bathroom. I don't want to hear your business, and I certainly don't want to hear the poor saps you decided to broadcast, if you're in a public bathroom. Sheesh! I think the world at large could use a refresher course in bathroom etiquette...

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