Originally published May 23, 2011 on http://spokencoast.org.
My body feels much like the cracked plastic of my truck’s blinker light this morning. At least I could easily buy the truck part & replace it. Not so much with my shoulder & neck.
Things were going along well enough these last days with aches & pains, but I accidentally rolled over onto my side in the early morning hours last night, and now things are much worse. I can only move my head to the left about 15% from center.
With the difficulty of this WFR class, the mental & physical fatigue I feel at the end of each day, it’s been difficult to stay in gratitude. This morning’s view out the women’s restroom did help sooth me a little.
My brain is scrambling on “how to make this work”. It’s not a good feeling. I feel trapped, actually. I’ve committed my life to this project for the next 12-18 months, but my physical body says no. Is it my fear that’s causing the physical reaction, or is it the physical reaction causing the fear? Either way, it’s clearly a negative feedback loop.
One thing I’d like to try is using a wheelie bag while I go to Alaska. Although most people would have backpacks, this is not an option for me at the moment. I had one, in fact. But I ditched it because it was big & cumbersome, and didn’t fit well in my truck/campershell setup.
Instead, dear readers/supporters, I’m asking for an in-kind donation of a used wheelie bag, medium sized, to help me through the next several months. Once I’m back in my truck after going through Alaska & BC, I can use the duffle bags, etc.
It feels like my body has been set back about 6 months. It may take at least that long to where a pack again. I don’t know. But, there’s nothing for me to do but move forward on the trip, albeit more cautiously, and with modifications that will hopefully keep my body healthy. I’m trying to bring loving kindness & compassion to my body’s state right now. Acceptance is hard. My agenda is pre-set with much money already invested. It’s challenging to let my body drive the bus.
Your support in keeping me going on the trip, even if I’m limping a bit, is so graciously appreciated.
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