Selfie-examination

4 years ago
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Today's NaBloPoMo prompt asks the question: "Benjamin Franklin said: There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond and to know one's self." Do you know yourself?

First though: "No, that's why I'm in therapy."

Second thought: "Yes, that's why I'm in therapy."

I mean I'm really impressed with all the posts from people who so confidently do know themselves. You've figured out what makes you tick--what makes you you--and you act on it accordingly.

Meanwhile I feel as though my self comprises many selves. Many conflicting selves.

  • I'm an extroverted introvert.
  • Or maybe that's an introverted extrovert.
  • I love my friends fiercely, but I love to be alone.
  • I can be extremely frugal and practical and yet I'm often broke. (I mean not broke-broke, but just sort of frustratingly not not-broke).
  • I'm a narcissist but I get uncomfortable having too much of a spotlight on me.
  • Although I don't mind speaking in public and am pretty comfortable speaking in front a class as an instructor.
  • As a writer I love words and love it when I have the luxury of time to craft sentences and labor sentences.
  • As a writer I really suck at grammar. I blame this on cutting many a high school English class. Comma splices are my biggest weakness. I'm working on this though.
  • As a writer I think I'm OK at my craft. Mostly. I mean, sometimes.
  • Sometimes I can't bear to read what I've written.
  • Sometimes I'm plagued by self-loathing.
  • Sometimes I. Just. Can't. Even.
  • I pretty much refuse to abbreviate or use terms such as LOL, OMG or 2 and U in emails, texts, etc.
  • I'm an emoji abuser.
  • I make a conscious effort to eat healthy and exercise. I genuinely love flax and quinoa and kale and all those other nerdy foods.
  • I eat way too much sugar.
  • I'm a feminist who worries who worries about how I look.
  • I didn't have children and I'm OK with that.
  • I didn't have children and it eats at me a little every day.
  • I love being self-sufficient and smart and enterprising and career-oriented.
  • I think I missed my calling as a rich, spoiled housewife.
  • I'm a really hard worker who doesn't know how to relax.
  • I can be really, really lazy.
  • I can be hyper-organized--live and die by the to-do list.
  • I am super-disorganized and at least once a day misplace something really, really important.
  • Nothing makes me happier than traveling.
  • Or being at home.

So do I know myself? I guess. Maybe. Sort of. A little bit, but really not at all.

 

 

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