Rules for Pissing on Someone's Blog

3 years ago

If you're a blogger -- or human for that matter -- you know all too well that time and energy are limited. For every blog you can comment on, there are 10,000 more. For every Tweeter you follow there are a million waiting. Like one of those evil pictures within a picture that explains infinity, it just never ends.

Which is why when I ran across a blogger who was concerned about leaving her best material on someone else's blog, I sort of understood. Trying to keep up with everything is exhausting. You feel like you're always having to pull something new out of your ass, and at some point, the ass well runs dry. Or at least you think it will.

The fact is, writing -- like any art -- is like body building. The more you do it, the stronger you get, and the stronger you get, the more walls you can bust through, giant rocks you can pick up, and trucks you can pull with a big rope (can you tell I like to watch those Strongest Man in the World contests?).

But then I started thinking: why do we have to work so hard? What's the point of expending so much mental energy on other people? I mean, it's kind of like public education. Why give the little twerps any book learning at all when most of them are just going to end up in prison or on crack? What's the investment really doing for me? Sure it could result in an electorate that's better informed, more employable, and socially well-adjusted, but wouldn't my money just be better spent on window bars?

So keeping that in mind, I've written up a quick list of rules for you to follow when commenting on blogs. I'm sure it'll make for a much more harmonious world.

5 Simple Rules for Pissing on Someone's Blog

Never use your best ideas for a guest post

Seriously. Don't be a patsy. Why would you want to make a good impression on the readers of someone else's blog? I mean, just because you have a chance to get your writing in front of an entirely new set of eyes, why bust out your best material. After seeing your byline, they should want to follow you just because you're you.

Your epic comments shouldn't be wasted in just one place

If you have something awesome to say, the last thing you want to do is just give it away in the comment stream of someone else's post. Save that puppy for your OWN blog, write a post, and then track it back to the comment section on the other person's blog. A trackback just shows the first part of your post, so readers will be forced to click on the comment to see the entire thing, thus driving traffic to you. People who think this is tacky are just pissed because they didn't think of it themselves.

Always, always, always put a link to your blog in comments

Especially if it's your first time at a blog. And don't worry about leaving a comment that's taylored to the post. Just a general, "Hi, loved your post. You can come check me out here," is totally fine. Bloggers love that. It makes them feel just as loved as when they get those phone calls from students from their alma maters who pretend to be interested in their lives for a few minutes before asking them for money.

Make spot judgements

If someone seems like a jerk or an idiot after you've read just one of her posts, you're probably right. If you've never been to her blog before, you haven't read any of her other posts or the about page, and you don't know her from social media, then your assessment of her entire being can be made through 750 words. And in that case...

Speak your mind, no matter what

Sure, you could choose not to leave a comment. Or to leave a non-inflammatory comment. Or to read a few more posts in order to get a better idea of who the blogger actually is. But screw that. You've got an infinite number of places to hit. Drop that word bomb and tell that little twit exactly how she's screwing up her kids, messing up her marriage, or ruining the American family. Just because you don't know her doesn't mean you can't have an opinion about how she should run her life.

The final takeaway? Don't be afraid to go to a person's blog and just piss all over it. The same way you'd walk into a stranger's home and tell her that her kids were rude, her house smelled bad, and her couch was ugly, you can feel secure knowing that when you get on someone's blog, your opinion matters. Just because someone is a writer doesn't mean she has feelings. And hey, she's the one who put it out there in the first place, so, game on.

Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She spends most days stressing out over clutter, pretending to do yoga, and writing her blog, World's Worst Moms. She also does a weekly podcast with her two gal pals, the Blogging Betties.

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.
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