Resolutions are a lot harder to break if you don't have any.

4 years ago
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I  had this thought the other day that if we were to come up with the exact opposite of our New Years Resolutions, we might actually succeed in becoming the person we've always wanted to be. I call it The Costanza Theory, for reasons that are obvious to anyone with a good sense of humor. It's quite simple really, some might even call it pathetic; but if my hunches are correct and this method of evading responsibility really works, the days of forced commitment and failed wishes would be a thing of the past. *Winning*

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So here's how it works; instead of telling yourself that you're going to lose ten pounds, commit to gaining fifteen; that way, when you start piling it on, you're at least achieving a goal! Want to quit drinking? No you don't! That's just what people WANT you to say. Try this... "I resolve to quit drinking cheap liquor." See! It even sounds better! Here's one that I've used in the past, "I'm going to stop being sarcastic." Now see how it sounds using The Costanza Theory, "I'm going to stop surrounding myself around negative people who don't appreciate my humor." Isn't it beautiful? Just imagine waking up on New Years Day and realizing that you still have a bottle of Champagne in the fridge that hasn't been opened, and it's okay to drink it... For breakfast!

This application can be used on any hope or dream that comes to mind, there really is no way to screw it up, even if you're a complete moron! So if you're tired of feeling depressed only three weeks into the new year, all you have to do is set your goals a little lower and give The Costanza Theory a try! Why spend another year trying to be something you're not? Worst case, you'll get so disgusted with yourself, you'll actually start doing all the things you said you never could. Either way, it's a win-win.

Happy New Year... Don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out!

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