It's Saturday morning, November 2nd, 2013. How is it possible that just with the turn of the month, the leaves that are still hanging on the trees have turned from brilliant shades of red yellow and orange to ugly brown? And the weather has changed too. It's definitely November in Wisconsin.
I'm not sure what I want to write about today. Actually, I do know. I want to write about metastatic cancer and survivor guilt. I know I've touched on this in prior posts, but I'm feeling particularly down today as the reality of knowing yet another person with recurring breast cancer sinks in. She was clear, her diagnosis was like mine, her treatments worked, she kicked cancers ass. She was clear for three years.
And then she sneezed and broke three ribs. And she found out that the cancer was in her bones. Mets. She has a 24 year old daughter, she's an artist. She is a fighter. It's not fair. She's 49.
What is survivor guilt? What does it feel like? It feels like escaping by the skin of your teeth, like relief but it's mixed with tremendous guilt. Why am I the lucky one? How did I escape? Why Gina, why Kate? Why not me? Don't get me wrong, I don't want it back, not ever again. But how am I escaping? Is it luck of the draw? When you get an all clear and then cancer comes back, what is the predetermining factor? I guess if we knew the answer to this question, we'd be one step further in finding the cure.
The gray skies and the brown leaves on the trees match my mood this morning. I found the fundraising site for Kate's fight and donated. I know you don't know her, heck I barely know her, I wouldn't know her at all if not for Nikki. But I'm connected to her. In more ways than one. We share the same birthday Kate and I. I met her for the first time last Saturday night at the Halloween party. (her costume was fantastic I wish I had a photo to share). And I felt a connection, a need to help her somehow.
So if I can raise a little awareness for Kate and metastatic breast cancer, I've done my job for this morning.
Keep fighting Kate. And if you need me, I'm here. And if you, my readers, want to help, if you can help, you can donate a little something. Anything will help. When I looked to see what the goal is (5k) and knowing what the expenses are (about 100 times that) I just wanted to dig in and help a little.
If you are inclined to help Kate, please click on this link below. And prayers are free. :)
Thanks so much for listening.
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