I used to think that starting my day by putting my underwear on backwards was a bad omen. I was destined to have a horrible day. Now I try and look at it positively. For a split second, I thought my ass got fat. Then imagine my relief when I found it was not the case and I had just put my panties on backwards. Hoorah! No fat ass for me! What good news! So I finish getting dressed and pop an extra toaster strudel in the toaster. I may have to jog an extra mile later, but in that moment, I just don’t care.
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