Please Note this was a paper I had to write recently. Enjoy and I hope you find the honest humor in this.
To start out, the reason I chose the reproduction article for women is based solely on the fact that I and many woman do, give birth. This for me is interesting to hear all other women’s stories of how their pregnancies went and some of the symptoms they did or did not have. I am not one of those women who loved being pregnant at all. This paper is written with humor for those of us who have already endured pregnancy and labor. It seems as though women who love to be pregnant either ignore all the symptoms associated with pregnancy or chose to ignore them and actually enjoy the attention of being pregnant and having babies.
Once a woman gets pregnant for her first (assuming this is baby number one) the body accepts that as a “toxin” a foreigner in the body. Well thanks men for implanting your toxic seed that will now forever be our child. Associated with this toxin comes the dreaded “morning sickness”. Which for me turned out not to be only in the morning while brushing my teeth, but any time a bad smell happened to drift up to my nose, or even tasting something that I used to really enjoy like, apples. I would turn green and immediately run to the closest thing to catch what was about to be regurgitated. That was the first thing about pregnancy that comes for most women and that I hated most.
Next on the list of terrible pregnancy symptoms comes “body aches”. These come from all over the body however, mostly your uterus falls biggest victim. As the fetus starts to grow and need more room, your uterus starts expanding allowing for tremendous growth which as all women who have ever been pregnant is really not that comfortable. From a balloon like expansion of your lady parts and constantly having to urinate to back aches and joint pains you will eventually become so big that you can’t even see your feet while looking down which will also be in pain and or swollen and sorry pregnant lady but because you can’t reach your feet to rub them, let’s hope someone else can do it for you.
The final symptom among many other terrible symptoms such as: Breast changes, constipation, dizziness, fatigue, sleep issues, hemorrhoids, itching, leg cramps, nasal problems, numb or tingling, stretch marks, frequent urination and leaking, varicose veins. My all-time favorite and one that seems to be popular amongst the old “wives tale” is that heartburn comes with a hairy baby. This indeed was true for me. My son was born with a full head of hair at least an inch long in addition to forehead, ear, shoulder, back, arm, leg and toe and knuckle hair. In the final trimester of my pregnancy not only could I not eat anything acidic because the heartburn was so bad, I could barely even smell tomato sauce without downing a bottle of “tums” just to be around it. Heartburn was the ultimate worst for me as I again did not enjoy pregnancy by any means.
To wrap up this paper of the awful symptoms of creating another human being in your uterus does to your body, I’d like to add that even the post body can be said to be just as bad. From breastfeeding with “chewed up nipples”, stretch marks and loose skin to your hips being wider than ever and takes forever to go back to “normal” if they even do. We as women go through these changes and symptoms for that moment of seeing your child for the first time and from there get to be delighted with what is the most beautiful gift on earth. A child to feed, bathe, play with, teach, learn from, and love unconditionally till’ the day you die. My child is something I wouldn’t trade for the world even if those symptoms are only ten months of my life, it’s all worth it in the end to have a healthy and happy baby. This is why we as women are stronger than a man, because we can give birth and go through symptoms no man could endure with a smile on their face. So, cheers to all the women who chose to go through pregnancy as a surrogate, or for giving that child up for adoption or for starting your own family. You are strong and if you can have a baby you can do anything.
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