I'm at that place again. That same place I occupied six years ago. The one where I found myself grappling with thoughts of entering a new phase of life. With all of my children in school, what would I do with myself? Oh, I had no doubt I would keep busy regardless. But I found myself with a desire to do more, to reinvent myself, maybe? To challenge myself? However you describe it, this is the place I found myself inhabiting six years ago. Brandon was heading off to Kindergarten. Thoughts of a masters degree, or voice lessons to prepare myself for potential auditions for theatres or choirs? Or volunteering at a museum, or getting a job? All of those ideas came to a screeching halt as one very big and overwhelming thought took their place. Another baby. (Another baby???) So I exited that place and reentered one that was familiar...but with the vague feeling that this place and I needed to be reintroduced. It had been many years since I had dealt with morning sickness, maternity clothes and cravings. Nighttime feedings, diapers and spit-up were something I thought was in my past. But oh, that sweet little face. Those coos and giggles and smiles. That fresh-out-of-the-bath new baby smell. It was the right place to be at that time.
But six years have passed. That baby is a baby no more. Lilian is heading off to Kindergarten this September. And though I know I won't be jumping into anything immediately, I'm finding myself in that new phase of life place again. I've spent the morning researching masters programs and museum jobs. And the more I read, the more excited I become. I don't know yet, what I will choose to do. I know that whatever it is, it'll be something that will allow me to still be a mother and wife first and foremost. But I can feel it...that pull.
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