How difficult do we make our lives? How many shoulda , woulda, couldas, do we hold our feet to the fire on? How many times do we lament our scheduling, time restraints, deadlines, commitments, or even our activities that use to bring us joy, now, seem like another task in the day? As the ending of one year shows signs of holiday festivities, and another new month upcoming signifies new beginnings, with the end of any dreaded negs accumulated...I pause. I planned my years end with a load of work, so the upcoming two weeks off would bring respite, sense of reward and reflection for me of the year in passing. It offered me that, and time to enjoy some holiday bliss with the kids, and plan a family vacation to the mountains. It offered me time to think, and prioritize my new 2014 year.
The year, 2014 signifies more than a new year for me. It looks at life for me, in the way of what I need and what I want. I am looking at my third child, one more to go, getting ready to graduate High School in June, and start college and a new direction in life. I see my oldest daughter plan a move away to another state with her boyfriend. I watch as my free spirited second daughter is living life large, and having no immediate plans of settling down.Which leaves me with my youngest son of 15 who has just started High School. He is my most academically intelligent child of the tribe, who recently shared with me that he doesn't want to go to college. This is just one plight a Mother goes through in raising children; and knowing how much he will evolve in the next 3 years, I try, dear God I try , not to allow my emotions to get the best of me.
I end 2013 with a banner month of career focus and tenacity.I begin 2014 with a gut of raw emotion, testing my resolve; trying my words and challenging my integrity of kindness. I had a fight. I had a bad fight with someone I love, and it took me to the edge of gray darkness, glimpsing a glimmer of light, pulling me back from the doldrums of despair....weeping, crying, and then forgiving, forgiving both myself and the other....again. I read and know that unconditional love isn't the love where you always get along, and everything is placid, peace-filled, even harmonious....Unconditional love, it is said, is the love you have even when you are hurt; even when you are angry and spewing venom...really?Can you have an unconditional love for another, and still be so angry that you don't want to be around this person? Yes, even when you are wondering if the shovel in the garage can really dig through the snow frozen earth, to dig a deep hole to bury the damage?....Even then, as you contemplate how this person , who now looks like a hideous ,nuclear disater ~ a cross between the Cookie Monster and Hannibel Lector, then... as you look ,the face morphs and changes. As you breathe deeply, your perception changes. As you try to be mindful of spewing the rights of the argument, your justifications...you shut up and you just look. You look deeper. You look at the energy of the room the hurts have created. You look at the anger in the others' face. You look at your own body posture, stance, or defensiveness. You look at how this hurt, this pain escalated. You look at options. You look at choices. You look at words . You look at words said. You look at words heard. You look at the face. You look at the soul. You look, but what do you see?
It is so human to look at our rites.It is so vulnerable of us to want to be right, really. What we are truly seeking in our rightness, is to not be so wrong. Simplistic? Maybe. But, what we all really want in our defenses, is to be heard, felt and accepted. It isn't even always about being right, or justified, or even understood.It is not even enough to evolve past something , often times, it is simply to be loved, unconditionally.Even when we know we are imperfect. We all just want that unconditional acceptance of our imperfect but worthy soul, being seen , felt and witnessed by another , in love~ unconditionally.
We evolve in years, our bodies start to show signs of wear, but has the soul evolved with the years and body? Has the thought processing, the compassion taken precedence over righteousness? How we fight, how we make up, how we process, how we take responsibility, all of this is how we evolve for ourselves, our soul rites. How we address our soul needs can show us how evolved we really are , today. Tomorrow, we may be stellar at words, at actions, at listening, at understanding, holding our tongue, but today....how good are we today at our intergity? Did we kinda suck at it today?> Address it. Where did you do or say something you regret? Get real. Get honest. Suck it up baby, we all screw up sometimes!!
Failure is only failure if nothing is learned from the painful experience. Failure at evolution, is the same thing. We may know what the right words, actions, and responses are in argument, but that doesn't mean we always use them. When we fall back into old past destructive routines, defenses, we are actually falling back on old , comfortable, reliable, neuropathways in the brain.Maybe not evolved neuropathways, but the tried and true ones we have been using for years or decades.
Think of your brain and emotions like this.Your brain is the map of the United States of America. The roads on the map are your neurotransmitters, neuropathways, the connections to thought,reasoning,logic, judgement, choices, emotions, processing, old tapes, new concepts, new ideas, new thoughts, old fears, old criticisms, old shames, guilts, accusations....you get it. Each road used gets comfy, easy, well known to travel upon. The new roads, well they are unfamiliar, sometimes scary.The twists and turns are unpredictable. But...the more we use the new roads, the more familiar they become.They then become your new way of living. Those are now the neuropathways that are the tried and true and relied upon, because now we are use to trusting them.
Each thought and emotion we have ever experienced is living on a thread of nerve endings in your head. The more we rely on the same information, good or bad, the more that neuropathway is enforced. So, if we react unconsciously, then we are reacting on an old undeveloped neuropathway that has not evolved past reaction. A truth is this, our brain believes everything we feed and tell it. Our brain does not differentiate from fact or fiction. If we tell our brain we are incapable, we play that incapable act out in conscious and unconscious ways. The same is true for how we view our body, face, attitude, success, career, family, soul, etc. If you tell your brain good things about yourself, even though you may not believe it, your neuropathways hear it, resonate to process it, and try to feed the super-ego with it. We are what we beieve we are. You have control over that change.
The more we push ourselves to evolve new thought, new concepts, new perceptions, we can literally watch ourselves process differently right before our very eyes. We evolve. By taking responsibility over how we respond, what we say, how we process,~we do evolve. We hear all the time that by changing how we look at things, the thing that has bugged us, can actually be looked at differently. My friendly mentor Dr.Wayne Dyer coined the phrase: "When you change the way you look at things ,the things you look at changes."Yes, I know...this is an easier concept in theory than in actuality, as all are. But, with practice becomes routine, becomes a way of life. With use the muscle becomes conditioned and things shift.
Life gets sticky sometimes.Life rewards at other times. It is how we ride the waves that allows us to float through challenges easier, and it is how we learn to communicate, feel, and process that takes our soul to new highs.May your new 2014 year be full of the life you intend it to be.~
Lisa M. Zimmer-Mahoney
"Everyone has intuition~ it is simply a matter of trusting your inner voice.Trust self first." ~ as in O magazine
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