Past Trish wasn't always so nice

5 years ago

It has been a long, busy, crazy day, so I think I'll default to the list format today rather than go full-on essay on yo buns.

Today I am grateful for:

Courage -- Being fearless enough to take on a freelance job that is absolutely bonkers --  and not in a ha-ha sorta way. A few years ago I might have written this off but now I'm up to the challenge.

Accomplishment -- Finally getting switched over to a new bank that won't charge me fees every time I take a dump, unlike some banks who shall not remain nameless. M&T Bank, I'm lookin' at YOU.

Bargainosity -- Managed to score a sweet monthly deal for my new cell phone plan as well as a FREE Samsung Galaxy smartphone. At the risk of actually putting useful information on the blog, I'll share this bit of info with you on how to get a free phone for yo'self.

Humbleness -- I put my foot in my mouth nearly a decade ago and I just heard about it today. I don't remember saying what I was told that I said, but it sure sounds like the kind of boneheaded, trying-be-funny-but-ending-up-sounding-rude thing that I wouldn't said back then. I cringed. I apologized profusely. Thankfully, this person was extremely gracious about it. Unfortunately, this is not the first time I've heard about something that I've said in the past that I intended to be funny but that ended up sounding just plain mean.

Wisdom -- That last bit about being humble? I'd like to think that the incident that prompted it would never happen today. I was pretty horrified about the words that I so casually threw at this person. The kicker: This person remembered in fine detail what I said and when I said it. I have no recollection of the incident. Why? You tend to remember it when people treat you badly. Unfortunately, being the one who is unkind is easy to forget. I like to think that I've come a long way since then. I'm not perfect and I'm sure I put my foot in my mouth daily -- but I try to be kind as much as possible.

Self-acceptance -- That last bit about wisdom? It was quite a shock to dissect that incident today with the person I was not-so-nice to. Looking back to the time it occurred, I realized that I barely recognize that person I was then. She wasn't a happy lady. She was trying really hard to fit into some boxes that she didn't fit into. She was pissed off about it. Her discomfort with herself was probably more apparent than she realized. After having my life dismantled over the past eight or nine years, I've finally realized that it doesn't make any sense to put the pieces back together in a way that's going to look nice to other people but is going to be painful for me. It's my puzzle. I'm living it. I must do it in a way that makes me smile. I think that's the one true key to happiness.

Busyness -- There is SO MUCH to do in the next few days. This freelance gig will probably have me working much of the weekend, but I'm finding that it feels sort of good.

Improvisational, experimental cooking -- Man, I made some good food tonight. I was the only one who ate it, but it was tasty.

Home -- The Single Momma Townhouse is so warm and cozy sometimes. I don't own it. It's not fancy. But I feel safe and happy here. It loves me back. I can feel it.

Jezebel -- No, not the website. My darling editor and friend whom I'm going to get to see socially on Saturday. My heart is singing. Her enduring friendship has been a lovely surprise.

Five hundred million other things -- I'm a happy chick. What can I say?

More tomorrow, blogmuffins. Sweet dreams.


Trish Sammer Johnston


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