opening up my soul

5 years ago

So much of my journey begins with taking out the imaginary scalpel and cutting deep into my skin to find the one thing that makes me tick. And I know that everyone jumps to conclusions about that analogy and answers with "your beating heart". Trust me, I know. I've seen it all go down in real life within the walls of several O.R.'s.

But it's so much more than that.

I have been through so many journeys trying to find out what is within my core. Breaking down my beliefs and hard-wired truths to find out what this life is all about. I know that when my footing is unsteady and my world is turned upside down, I wake up in the middle of the night with panic sweats imaging some gruesome fate before I am ready to discover the north star within me. It is a fear that stops me cold in my tracks. What if my time runs out before I find it? What if my soul-calling goes unanswered? What if there's darkness?

No, not the darkness.

There's so much I do know, but it is like most things in life-a puzzle with many pieces. There are many, many days that I feel those pieces are in some random back pocket, like a humorless prank being played on me. What will happen that day?

That is what this blog, those collection of books, this moment, is all about. Finding out what this life has to offer. It all came to a point. Like a large production just waiting for its director, chorus line and script. I have many of the essential elements that I believe will come into play during my discoveries. I felt that it was too large of an undertaking to take mental notes here and there. I wanted to write it all down. To be able to read it over and feel it again and again.

This is for me. This is my time. The spotlight has turned in my direction, and I am ready for my moment.

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